i feel like a nagging hm

[Anonymous]

YOU CANNOT TAKE AWAY AP'S PHONE, CAR, ECT

ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY???

DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO STAY AFTER THAT? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE WAY TO ENCOURAGE HER?

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY SAY AP'S ARE TREATED LIKE SLAVES

PP, you are on a major power trip and you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to treat an ADULT, YOUR EMPLOYEE, like your 12 year old child. NO WAY.

If it doesn't work out, you communicate or you part ways. YOU DO NOT take PP's advice

Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOU CANNOT TAKE AWAY AP'S PHONE, CAR, ECT

ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY???

DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO STAY AFTER THAT? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE WAY TO ENCOURAGE HER?

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY SAY AP'S ARE TREATED LIKE SLAVES

PP, you are on a major power trip and you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to treat an ADULT, YOUR EMPLOYEE, like your 12 year old child. NO WAY.

If it doesn't work out, you communicate or you part ways. YOU DO NOT take PP's advice

Wow

Woah!! I strongly disagree with the advice to remove privleges because personally I'd sooner rematch and get an au pair who can act like a real adult, but seriously, removing extra priveledges like car and cell phone makes AP a slave??? Slaves don't get extras like cell phones and use of a car that is beyond the scope of their outlines compensation.

[Anonymous]

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY SAY AP'S ARE TREATED LIKE SLAVES

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


An 18-26 year old girl, often with very little child care experience, is here on a cultural exchange.

This means that she is providing 45 hours of child care and duties related to children and their care, including housekeeping related to the children in EXCHANGE for, at minimum, transportation from training in NYC, a private room, board, a $200 weekly stipend, $500 toward her required 8 college credits and transportation to her classes, 2 weeks paid vacation, and the opportunity to share her culture with her American host family and learn about American families, life and culture. In addition, she can have fun traveling and exploring America during the extra month at the end of her year. Add to this that the vast majority of families provide their au pair with a cell phone and paid service, a car or the use of a car (often with GPS service), with insurance and at least some gas and maintenance paid for by the host family, internet service access in her home and often treating them to a tour of NYC at their training and/ or a welcome package, dinners out and attendance with the family at various outings to movies, amusement parks, fairs, festivals, shows, daytrips, etc. at which there is little actual 'work' expected, only their participation and assistance as an adult member of the group. Add to this generous birthday and holiday gifts. Some au pairs have televisions in their rooms with cable service, paid for by the host family. Some have the use of a computer and/or printer (with ink), paid for by the host family. Some au pairs have the benefit of membership to the host families gym, pool or country club. Some au pairs have the benefit of being allowed to host a family member of friend at the home of the host family. Some au pairs receive additional driver training to assist in obtaining their US driver's license (again, paid for by the host family). When an au pair chooses to join the program, the 45 hour work week as well as the possible duties required are clearly explained to her. If an au pair feels this is an unfair deal or that her host family is treating her unfairly, she is free to leave and return home at any time in the program without penalty or request to rematch with another family.

That's hardly slave labor. Please don't disrespect the memory of lives and experiences of actual slaves by drawing a comparison to their experience of torture and humiliation and deprivation with the experience of an au pair girl in the US in 2012.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure it was necessary to use the f-bomb and write in all caps, but I don't actually agree with the "treat your AP like a child" advice either. Now it must be said, infuriated PP, that use of a car and a cell phone is absolutely NOT a requirement. Those two things are extras that host parents sometimes provide to their APs. So they are well within their rights to say no to using the car or to using a cell phone that they are paying for. That said, there is zero chance that removing privileges for bad behavior is a way that is going to function healthfully with your AP. If it's come to that, just rematch. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop being dramatic CAPS poster and other poster. The Au Pair only has actual child care responsibility a 2-4 hours a day it seems and seems quite lazy. She needs to be given a firm talk of expectations. This is pretty clear cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had many au pairs over the years. Everything you mention is part of her job and/or part of being in a family. She needs to do these things correctly. I would never have put up with that behavior. She needs consequences like any child as she is acting like a child. Until there are consequences, beyond just nagging, she will not improve - she has proven this after 4 months. So, consequences are that she loses privledges like using the car, using the phone you have provided (she only gets it when she is out of the house with the children), using whatever is an "extra" that you provide. That is how you have to proceed because she has given you no choice but to treat her like a child (just as you would your 12 year old). I know it seems ridiculous to treat an 18+ person in this way but your requests are being ignored and these tasks are all typical for ANY au pair.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

If you are employing her as an AP then treat her as an employee - have a serious talk, give her a formal warning, whatever you think the next step is. If things don't change you can decide whether or not you want to rematch or let things slide, but treating her like a child only discourages her from growing up and fulfilling the job she was hired to do. Don't do that, whatever you do, because it is THE worst possible idea.

[Anonymous]

agree pp

[Anonymous]

Once and for all let us cut the Cultural Exchange crap and call the AP program exactly what it is. Maybe originally it was meant as this but it has evolved to being cheap childcare for cheap American host families.

[Anonymous]

Yuk my Au pair is the same OP. I can't stand it. I just gave up- she is leaving in 1 week, thank god. With each Au pair I learn something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuk my Au pair is the same OP. I can't stand it. I just gave up- she is leaving in 1 week, thank god. With each Au pair I learn something new.

OP here, completely agree with each au au pair I learn something new! Always trying to find new ways to deal with situations that come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our AP is similar and we've let most of it go. It bothers me that after 10 months, she is incapable of figuring out where certain dishes go, or leaves the coffee maker dirty time and time again so that when I occassionally try and make coffee on the weekend for myself, I have to clean out grounds and old coffee first. And while my older kids are doing homework, she goes in another room to write a letter, and doesn't play with the younger one, and then wonders why he's having behavior problems to get her attention.

I'm sorry but your child is having behavior problems because of something your doing wrong, not the Au-pair. The Au-pair is probably writing letters in another room because she's annoyed at your child's behavior. Step up to the plate and stop blaming, please.