FTM mom - start new job Monday - nanny issues - please advise

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- In my experience the best nannies are people who are child centered and genuinely love kids. The nannies on their phone and not paying attention or doing crafts are usually the ones who do this job just because it's a job. My main concern is that she is a liar which means she probably wouldn't have a great work ethic and would be the type to call in sick when they aren't sick or be unreliable. My other concern with these grad student nannies etc is that they often do school work while the kids are awake, not just when they are napping. Or they do school work during then naps and then chores while the kids are awake. This is not the way professional nannies behave. Please find a new nanny but for now keep the liar because you do need childcare until she's replaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it might *seem* like an English-speaking, young, energetic, scholarly person would make the perfect nanny. But in my experience, the perfect childcare workers are people who love to be with children. If your nanny is in grad school, she has other plans for her "real career." Perhaps it's better to find someone who has decided to make taking care of children her career.

Ding, ding, ding!!! I'm a college professor, and I can guarantee you that she needs a job, but this is not her calling in life. Her priorities likely go social life -- school -- money -- being good at job. Please find someone who loves kids. Even if she's not doing anything dangerous, she doesn't seem to enjoy taking care of your child, and you're paying for someone to engage her all day, not find new ways to ignore her.

I'm a nanny in grad school & second (third?) this. This is not my calling in life and is pretty low on my priority list. I'd never do anything to put the kids in danger, but I'd be lying if I said I was always 100% focused on the kids when I have them. On the other side of the coin is "you pay for what you get". You might have to up your compensation if you want someone who is devoted to kids.

[Anonymous]

Really surprised at all the nannies admitting that if nannying is not in their long term plans, they don't give it their all. I am a student and PT nanny, and when I'm with the kids my focus is 100% on them. It doesn't matter that this isn't what I plan to do with my life, the children need care now and I need a job now, so why half ass it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really surprised at all the nannies admitting that if nannying is not in their long term plans, they don't give it their all. I am a student and PT nanny, and when I'm with the kids my focus is 100% on them. It doesn't matter that this isn't what I plan to do with my life, the children need care now and I need a job now, so why half ass it?

PP. Because grad school requires a lot of time and focus. If I'm going to be immersed in something it's going to be what best benefits my long term plans. Sometimes that means I need to work on something while I have the kids. They're always safe, happy and engaged in something that is beneficial to their learning (I don't put on the TV). I just may be reading a paper while they are doing a craft or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Ummm you cant catch allergies. You say one day her allergies were awful and now you're all sick? Not possible.

[Anonymous]

Op here - we pay 18/hr in a nearby suburb - so I don't think it's pay. As for allergies, she's had them everyday a one particular day they were so bad my husband asked if she had a cold instead - turns out she did - ugh

[Anonymous]

New to this thread. I am so glad that you have decided to find another nanny, you really do need a new one! Good luck with your search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -
Thank you all for the validation. I was afraid I was being an overly paranoid first time mom - b/c honestly the lies in isolation were kind of eh - not too big of a deal. But looking over 2 weeks, I honestly can think of a million lies she's now told me! One of the days where her allergies were the worst - she was actually sick - and now my entire family has the plague. My beautifully sleep trained baby has not slept straight through the night in three days and is so congested. ugh!

Thank you to the person who mentioned references for only infants - great advice and insight. Similarly, thank you to the PP who mentioned someone who is a professional nanny vs someone doing this to make money while building a different career. We have realized the err in our ways - funny b/c I've hired a gazillion people in my real job, but never had an issue like this one!

In terms of analyzing the lies - my Dh and I have discussed - honestly, I don't know why she lies so much. It seems to be habitual. either she needs the job so badly she'll say anything to make me think she is amazing and there are no issues or she just does it out of habit. I honestly don't know which. I mean - why lie about having class? More than anything, it makes you start to wonder what is is and isn't true and what she is and isn't lying about!

Sigh - I've called in the reinforcements - my parents are going to help out this week - my husband is going to find some extra help at his busienss. I've fired up all cylinders to find a new person. I'd happily do daycare too, but there aren't any near my new job and I have so little time off since it's a new job not sure what I'd do if she ended up sick constantly (like, um, we all are now this weekend anyway!)

So glad you're able to make do without her. I think you've made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you need to look for a new nanny. I did go to grad school but honestly I loved being a nanny far more than teaching. While I learned a lot in school I think I am more a baby and toddler person.

I do play on the cell phone but not while the baby is interacting with me. Normally while she is asleep or sometimes we do youtube baby music videos.

I nanny in an suburb of DC and let a baby join us for a week because the mom was in the same situation./

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- Not to stick up for the liar, because I think she should be sacked but... Since I moved to LA from overseas my allergies are terrible. They have been awful for the 5 days that I've lived here and some days they are worse than others. I often can't tell when I have a cold the first few days because I'm always stuffy and feel like I have a head cold. I don't take allergy medications because I don't like medicine so I just kind of suffer through it, so there have been times when I have gone to work sick. HOWEVER, my Boss works crazy hours (single mom) and it's kind of expected that I go to work sick or not sick, so she understands if I get the kids sick and vice versa they get me sick. So just wanted to say that maybe she didn't realize she was sick the first few days, because that happens to me quite often.

[Anonymous]

^^ I means 5 years, not 5 days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you work? DC or burbs? If you work out in the burbs, find an in-home daycare. We LOVE ours- love, love, love, love....

And maybe this is a gross generalization, but since I'm a high school teacher who used to teach at a college, I feel like I have a lot of experience with the age group you're talking about with this nanny- it might *seem* like an English-speaking, young, energetic, scholarly person would make the perfect nanny. But in my experience, the perfect childcare workers are people who love to be with children. If your nanny is in grad school, she has other plans for her "real career." Perhaps it's better to find someone who has decided to make taking care of children her career.

Also check the nanny-sharing forums on here- we found two excellent nannies on there. There are MANY fish in the DC area childcare sea-- you will find a great person to care for your baby. Good luck.

Not all of us are like that! I do know girls that fit that category but - I'm a full-time university student in third year of undergrad. I'm doing my degree in Child and Youth Care. I found out while nannying how much I do love children and want to be a child protection worker.