Selfies. Are they a turn off?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a guy for a little more than 2 years and over the last 6 months his Instagram account has become a "thing". He's consistently posting selfies and shirtless gym pictures. He's beautiful and I'm sure he likes the comments he gets but the whole thing is sort of a turn off. I don't really know how to go about saying something because it isn't really my place to ask him to stop. I admit I'm on the other end of the social media spectrum and don't post anything other than a once per month FB update which is usually just a photo. I think it's a waste of time unless having a public image is part of your work.

Are you turned off by men who post selfies?

[Anonymous]

It is a turn off for you. That's what matters. I admit I'd have to think three or more time before I dated a guy who did the shirtless gym pictures. But some people like that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't like when men on online dating sites post them. I don't think it's that difficult to find someone to take a photo of you. I see a lot of men like this at my gym. They are just a bit too in love with themselves. Not my cup of tea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like when men on online dating sites post them. I don't think it's that difficult to find someone to take a photo of you. I see a lot of men like this at my gym. They are just a bit too in love with themselves. Not my cup of tea.

Well asking some guy to take a shirtless picture while you're in the locker room might be a bit weird.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's too much to ask to ask someone to take a regular photo of you. I would avoid a guy who takes lots of selfies.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

[Anonymous]

Good god, yes. That's horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

No. He's really intelligent, caring, great to talk to, etc. We get along fine but this selfie/Instagram thing is just so silly and weird to me. We're moving towards more serious talks about living together and I cringe at the strangeness of perhaps asking him, a grown man, to curtail his Instagram habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

No. He's really intelligent, caring, great to talk to, etc. We get along fine but this selfie/Instagram thing is just so silly and weird to me. We're moving towards more serious talks about living together and I cringe at the strangeness of perhaps asking him, a grown man, to curtail his Instagram habits.

Don't ask him to curtail it (side note, you're already trying to change him!)
Just ask why he does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

No. He's really intelligent, caring, great to talk to, etc. We get along fine but this selfie/Instagram thing is just so silly and weird to me. We're moving towards more serious talks about living together and I cringe at the strangeness of perhaps asking him, a grown man, to curtail his Instagram habits.

Don't ask him to curtail it (side note, you're already trying to change him!)
Just ask why he does it.

You don't need to ask, but you can share with him that you find it unsettling.

Personally, shirtless gym selfies make me think of this creep:
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/congressman-chris-lee-resigns-shirtless-photo-posted-internet/story?id=12878937

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

No. He's really intelligent, caring, great to talk to, etc. We get along fine but this selfie/Instagram thing is just so silly and weird to me. We're moving towards more serious talks about living together and I cringe at the strangeness of perhaps asking him, a grown man, to curtail his Instagram habits.

Don't ask him to curtail it (side note, you're already trying to change him!)
Just ask why he does it.

I'm not trying to change him which is why I started this thread. I mean, I know why he does it. He likes to do it otherwise he wouldn't, of course. I figure he uses the comments as motivation to maintain his body and eat well. Still find it odd.

[Anonymous]

Part of me wonders if he realizes commitment is on the horizon and is acting out a little this way.

[Anonymous]

Is he doing it ironically, knowing full well that it's kind of douche-y? I have guy friends (and girl friends) who do that, and it doesn't bother me when they do it. I would never do a selfie, but I'm not really a picture taker anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he doing it ironically, knowing full well that it's kind of douche-y? I have guy friends (and girl friends) who do that, and it doesn't bother me when they do it. I would never do a selfie, but I'm not really a picture taker anyway.

A couple of months back he got a job (acting) which came from a casting director seeing a photo on Instagram and we laughed about it. He said in passing that his Instagram account is "so douchey". I think he gets that it's douchey but he's all-in and playing the over playing the role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

+1

I hate selfies. Doesnt matter the gender. Selfies suggest vanity and self obsession. No thanks.