Son’s girlfriend followed him to college

[Anonymous]

It seems that she followed him but probably with his encouragement. I didn’t know until he already committed or we might not have let him commit. Very dysfunctional relationship and just what I predicted was going to happen is happening. He lies because he know we don’t like his girlfriend or the relationship but I have heard from other people and I can see on Life360 that he is with her all the time and it doesn’t seem like he is branching out. I’m at a loss and worried that he is going to waste his entire college experience and my worst nightmare that he ends up marrying this girl. I am at a loss of what to do but we are paying for his college and could say we aren’t paying next year if it doesn’t change. He says he is going to rush in the spring so maybe that will help. Maybe we just need to sit back and let it play out. Wondering what others would do. Really regretting that we didn’t tell him he couldn’t go when we found out she was going.

[Anonymous]

Either you should have told us in your OP that she's an addict/gang member, or you shut up and stop pushing away from you and into her arms. Or you should troll better on a Sunday morning.

[Anonymous]

Trying to break them up will push them together. He needs to figure this out on his own.

What are your concerns about the girl?

[Anonymous]

Teenagers have to make their own mistakes. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Too much to get into but it’s a really toxic relationship and she is terrible for him. I know I can’t choose his partner but I don’t want to pay to support it.

[Anonymous]

She "followed" him? So she's not a student at the college, but just got an apartment nearby and hangs out around campus all day?

[Anonymous]

She is a student but she only chose school because of him. I know that it’s not just speculation.

[Anonymous]

Turn off Life360. wtf!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much to get into but it’s a really toxic relationship and she is terrible for him. I know I can’t choose his partner but I don’t want to pay to support it.

Proof that she's actually not that bad. DCUM is the place to spill, OP, but you realize you don't have the reasons you'd need to threaten withholding college funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is a student but she only chose school because of him. I know that it’s not just speculation.

Why don't you just list the reasons in one handy spot. Then we can fustigate you properly instead of having to scroll through the discussion piecemeal.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t been looking because I was getting so upset. But I still hear from other moms with kids at same school.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. This sucks. Chances are high they will break up at some point. Don’t mention her but encourage him to rush and meet new people. Encourage him to get a job or join clubs. Maybe don’t give him spending money so he is forced to get a job. Less time with her would be a good thing

[Anonymous]

I would refocus on the question of what makes him seek out/stay in dysfunctional relationships. Hopefully it’s a one off, you know, first love first s*x, but who knows.
What I would do is pretend I started coming around, win back his trust and keep an eye on the dynamic. Gently steering him if possible.

[Anonymous]

You need to back off.

The easiest way to guarantee a relationship continues long past its expiration point is to give them a common enemy. The simple act of rebelling and providing your parents wrong is enough to fuel a teen relationship long after they would have gotten bored and moved on.

The most effective thing you can do is tell your son that he’s a big grown up college student and he can make his own decisions. Grey rock him. Pretend not to care either way.

Sign up for acting classes if you have to.

The truth is, if he is going to marry her, you can’t really stop him. And if he does marry her, you don’t want your future DIL to have reason to hate you.

[Anonymous]

Extremely controlling and forbid him going out with friends, uses cocaine-not sure how regularly, cheats on him but he also cheats on her. Is really rude and unfriendly to his entire family, is all over him in front of us. Is that enough? Not to mention how she dresses and presents herself. Her parents are divorced and I don’t think she has had a lot of supervision but that’s not my problem. Just not what I want for my son.