Teach me how to do a parent-teacher conference (I'm a parent)

[Anonymous]

I have one of these coming up and know from prior experience that I'm not great at it. I think I just get nervous around teachers because I flash back to being in school myself and have a harder time detaching a bit so I can be objective than I usually do. Trying to get better!

So this is for parents AND teachers -- what tips do you have for approaching these conferences to make them useful? Good questions for parents to ask? Is there information that you, as a teacher, wish parents would share but they often don't? Are there questions or requests that make you roll your eyes inside and if so, why?

Would also a list of things I should be thinking about or asking about regarding my 1st grader. I think she's on grade level but a little immature for her age. But probably largely a "fly under the radar" type kid in the classroom.

TIA for any feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one of these coming up and know from prior experience that I'm not great at it. I think I just get nervous around teachers because I flash back to being in school myself and have a harder time detaching a bit so I can be objective than I usually do. Trying to get better!

So this is for parents AND teachers -- what tips do you have for approaching these conferences to make them useful? Good questions for parents to ask? Is there information that you, as a teacher, wish parents would share but they often don't? Are there questions or requests that make you roll your eyes inside and if so, why?

Would also a list of things I should be thinking about or asking about regarding my 1st grader. I think she's on grade level but a little immature for her age. But probably largely a "fly under the radar" type kid in the classroom.

TIA for any feedback!

My best advice would be to leave your own experience and personal headspace behind. This is an opportunity to ask your kid's teacher about your kid. What does she notice about your child? Do you have any concerns about your child that you would like discuss with an expert on children and learning (aka your kid's teacher)?

Sometimes it can be easier to think of this if you imagine your child as someone else's child, and you are being sent on behalf of that child's family to ask questions. What would you want to make sure you learned so you could bring that information back to the family?

[Anonymous]

You are very limited on time. I would let the teacher guide the convo and you ask follow up questions.

[Anonymous]

I usually ask about how he is doing socially and whether there are friendships forming that I could encourage outside of school.

The teacher usually says “Great question” like people usually only ask about academics. I might also ask about upcoming units and whether we can support his learning at home beyond reading together.

But from my limited experience of two years of conferences, the teacher has a long spiel she will want to get through, and there may be 5 minutes if you have one question or want clarification about something.

[Anonymous]

OP our school would rather parents *not* prepare for PT conferences. Teachers have a binder with information to share, some data, some examples of student work. They want the meeting to be very pro forma. They do not have time to respond to parents' "insightful" questions. They want the meeting to end on time.

Make sure to ask which classmates your child seems to get along with, so you can plan for play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP our school would rather parents *not* prepare for PT conferences. Teachers have a binder with information to share, some data, some examples of student work. They want the meeting to be very pro forma. They do not have time to respond to parents' "insightful" questions. They want the meeting to end on time.

Make sure to ask which classmates your child seems to get along with, so you can plan for play dates.

This has been my experience as well, in MCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP our school would rather parents *not* prepare for PT conferences. Teachers have a binder with information to share, some data, some examples of student work. They want the meeting to be very pro forma. They do not have time to respond to parents' "insightful" questions. They want the meeting to end on time.

Make sure to ask which classmates your child seems to get along with, so you can plan for play dates.

So we're not welcome to share concerns?

[Anonymous]

It's okay to announce you're nervous and having flashbacks to when you were in school. Lots of people feel that way. Teachers are used to hearing that.

Teachers have a set amount of info they want to give you, and I ask what my kids need to work on socially and academically. If they are seated next to their nemesis, I tell the teacher. DD was once seated next to the boy who made fun of her every day for being poor. I told the teacher she'd be happy sitting next to literally ANY other kid but him. I also let the teachers know she does best with strict but kind. If the teacher is too much of a pushover, she won't respect them. A LOT of teachers have thanked me for this info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP our school would rather parents *not* prepare for PT conferences. Teachers have a binder with information to share, some data, some examples of student work. They want the meeting to be very pro forma. They do not have time to respond to parents' "insightful" questions. They want the meeting to end on time.

Make sure to ask which classmates your child seems to get along with, so you can plan for play dates.

So we're not welcome to share concerns?

This is PP. Are you looking for information, or for action on the part of the teacher? Think about where your concerns are leading, and be mindful of that. Some teachers/schools are more responsive than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP our school would rather parents *not* prepare for PT conferences. Teachers have a binder with information to share, some data, some examples of student work. They want the meeting to be very pro forma. They do not have time to respond to parents' "insightful" questions. They want the meeting to end on time.

Make sure to ask which classmates your child seems to get along with, so you can plan for play dates.

So we're not welcome to share concerns?

This is PP. Are you looking for information, or for action on the part of the teacher? Think about where your concerns are leading, and be mindful of that. Some teachers/schools are more responsive than others.

I'm actually this OP, so your comment makes a lot of sense.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1159537.page

[Anonymous]

I guess your last question could be - is there anything else I need to know that we haven't discussed yet?

The main thing you should do is listen.

[Anonymous]

In the past when I've gone into PT conferences with a "just do a good job listening" attitude, the teacher has given me a few bland platitudes about my kid and then nothing to add, and if I didn't have questions or something prepared, the meeting would be over in 7 minutes. Which is a bummer because you really get very little opportunity to interact with your kid's teacher -- since we don't see them at drop off or pick up, it's really just two 20 minute PT conferences and BTS night.

So I guess the question is, IF the teacher doesn't have much to tell you or isn't forthcoming, what questions can a parent ask that will get to the heart of what you need to know regarding your kid's progress/socialization/behavior at school?

I mean, if the teacher does a good job of telling you what you need to know and presents it clearly, then ideally you shouldn't have any questions unless there is some very bespoke concern. But not all teachers are great about this. So, how what can you do to get the most out of the conference if the teacher isn't great at this aspect of it?

[Anonymous]

If there’s anything regard your child you want to ask the teacher about, write it down and ask, otherwise if teacher has any concern about your child she/he will tell you.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, please do not punish your child if they get a report indicating that they are below grade level. Listen carefully and ask, how can I best support my child at home?

- Teacher

[Anonymous]

I think you'll be fine as long as you're not a complete dolt, are open to feedback, and can provide helpful information about your child. We had a parent at BTS night who was asking the teacher if their individual child was finishing his lunch each day in the middle of a presentation about the curriculum.