2nd date, no kiss, but I kissed her on the 1st date?

[Anonymous]

First off, this is not a straight relationship, so hopefully that's ok here in the relationships section, since the lgbtq section doesn't get much traction.

I (28F) started dating a woman (28) a week and a half ago. Up until now, we have both had relationships with men, but we identify as bi. We are both pretty feminine. We met on a dating app. Our conversation over text has been great, but not too flirty or sexual like other men/women have been by now w/me. I'm fine with this, as I'm enjoying actually getting to know her.

Our first date was about 8 days ago, we went out for brunch in our downtown area (not dc area, west coast). The conversation was great, we then walked around and looked at the houses, and found a private area to smoke a joint. As we walked back to my car, she gave me a hug. As she pulled away, I pulled her in and kissed her. Just a quick one. She later said she was happy about it and didn't mean to act so silly as if she didn't expect a kiss, said she was just high from the joint. She said had a huge smile as she walked back to her car.

A few days later, we went to a drive in movie to see Barbie. This time we didn't touch or hug, but again the convo was great, with a little flirting. I guess I expected her to kiss me since I did it the first time? When we hugged goodbye in the car, she pulled away and went inside. But once I got home, she was talking about the next movie she wants to see with me.

Since then, it's been a week, she was with her sister who was visiting her and went home yesterday, as well as started a new job. We have plans to hang out on Saturday. It will be her birthday weekend, so I want to make it special. Should I make sure I make the move first? Or just do as much as I can to make the moment right, hoping she will do it? Over text she has been flirty here and there. Sent me feet pics while she was in a hot tub with her sister, talked about sex briefly. Maybe I need to send a selfie? I haven't sent one yet, she's just seen pics on the app.

[Anonymous]

Might not go anywhere, she may be a chapstick lesbian. Hang out a few more times, if it’s this hard early it’s not worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Make the move first. I was in your situation before…in terms of dating a woman for the first time. It was super awkward because straight gender roles did not apply. There was confusion about who was supposed to do what. If you don’t mind being the dominant one in terms of affection go ahead. She is interested which is why she keeps hanging with you. She just wants you to make the moves because she used to receiving advances from men.

[Anonymous]

Use your words with her, OP. Ask her. Talk to her.

[Anonymous]

She might be bi in theory but not in practice. Like, she can flirt over the phone but not in-person. Or it might just be awkwardness because, as PP said, you are both used to heterosexual relationships/gender roles. Give it time snd see how it evolves. There’s nothing eating with going on for another kiss, when the moment feels right.

[Anonymous]

"First off, this is not a straight relationship, so hopefully that's ok here in the relationships section, since the lgbtq section doesn't get much traction. "

Of course it's OK.

And it's a nice change from the repetitive battle of the sexes miserable marriage threads.

Moving on...
You kissed her. She clearly didn't enjoy it. Some people would say you didn't really achieve consent.

She had a chance to "get back in the game* on date 2, and chose not to.

Over texting, you don't know when she's sober or high. She m be more flirty high.

Won't get into the feet pics?

How old are you/she?

She seems like a flaky person. I wouldn't push it until she steps up *in person*.

Don't dona grand romantic gesture for her birthday.

Treat her life a friend until she shows romantic interest in person. Stop grabbing her. Romantic physical affection starts when *both* of you can't resist making moves. Don't try to force it.

[Anonymous]

Without knowing more - sounds like she is comfortable with the idea of being with a woman but not actually with the reality of it. Sounds like in person, she wants to be friends - and in her imagination, you're dating.

[Anonymous]

kiss her again and see how it goes

[Anonymous]

She is going to be insufferable sharing about this period of her life when she's married to man and volunteering at the PTO for her kids' school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be insufferable sharing about this period of her life when she's married to man and volunteering at the PTO for her kids' school.

😆

[Anonymous]

Is she bi, or bi curious?

It sounds kind of like she has friend-zoned you, but likes the attention you give her. I'd let her make the next move. Or you could talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the move first. I was in your situation before…in terms of dating a woman for the first time. It was super awkward because straight gender roles did not apply. There was confusion about who was supposed to do what. If you don’t mind being the dominant one in terms of affection go ahead. She is interested which is why she keeps hanging with you. She just wants you to make the moves because she used to receiving advances from men.

I'm straight but thought the same thing. You are each waiting for the other to make another physical move, which is likely due to dating men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"First off, this is not a straight relationship, so hopefully that's ok here in the relationships section, since the lgbtq section doesn't get much traction. "

Of course it's OK.

And it's a nice change from the repetitive battle of the sexes miserable marriage threads.

Moving on...
You kissed her. She clearly didn't enjoy it. Some people would say you didn't really achieve consent.

She had a chance to "get back in the game* on date 2, and chose not to.

Over texting, you don't know when she's sober or high. She m be more flirty high.

Won't get into the feet pics?

How old are you/she?

She seems like a flaky person. I wouldn't push it until she steps up *in person*.

Don't dona grand romantic gesture for her birthday.

Treat her life a friend until she shows romantic interest in person. Stop grabbing her. Romantic physical affection starts when *both* of you can't resist making moves. Don't try to force it.

Her text afterwards told me she did enjoy it, also wouldn't she not want to go out with me if she didn't? But I was worried about the consent thing too. I guess my sister was really nailing it in me that if it's going well I should kiss her.
On the phone last night she was saying I could come play with her cat anytime and then said "in a sexual way too" (she just got a new cat). So I think she's ok with sexual stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be insufferable sharing about this period of her life when she's married to man and volunteering at the PTO for her kids' school.

She doesn't want kids. I'm the PTA mom myself lol, I have two kids, which she said she likes because in her ideal lesbian relationship they would foster, adopt, or the other person already has kids.
She has also said she doesn't want to date men anymore.
Of course she could change her mind, but she seems very set on being child free so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:kiss her again and see how it goes

I may as well, and if it doesn't seem right I guess I'll just move onto the next.