You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

It’s not too late to bounce back but you have to assess where your money is going and start cutting. For example, cut cable, get rid of your car, start cooking at home, cut alcohol and gym memberships, cut out the daily latte run. You never mentioned what you were spending your money on day to day so we can’t help with specifics. Use the Dave Ramsey method and start paying down the debt.

It sounds like you and your husband were living for the moment and 8 years flew by and you realized that you’re in your mid-30s and want a baby now. You can take a few years to get you financial house in order. Your salary is not low and people raise children all the time for less. You can have a kid without owning a home (think NYC or SF) but you should have savings in the event of an emergency. And that means, you will need to work until you are both on sure footing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed.

You are a team! How can you blame him for “messing up.” You wanted an easy life, doing what you wanted while he figured out a way to underwrite your fantasy. That is an unfair and immature “ plan”.

Sit down with him. Each of you should discuss goals & priorities and how you will BOTH contribute to making them happen.

This. Perfectly said.

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https://www.daveramsey.com/store/product/financial-peace-university-class

Free Dave Ramsey podcast:
https://www.daveramsey.com/store/product/ramsey-network-app

You can grieve for the life you wanted or you can get going on the life you want. You need to discuss your goals and dreams with dh and if not compatible then divorce. 8 years is plenty of time to have yearned for something more.

I got married at 32 and had children at 34 and 37. There is plenty of time for you to start new career, make more money, and have children. Start now. Find something you’d like to do that pays well and go for it.

Also, How do you even know if you can have kids. What if you can’t and you spent all this time not working more, not going back to school, developing a side gig, and being angry with dh about something that was never going to happen.

Have the conversation with dh this weekend so you have the answers you need and start living the life you want. You have no excuse. At your age you could divorce and live in a group house if you really have no money. You could work day job and then nights and weekends. In a year you’d have a small nest egg and breathing room to decide n next career. If you stay and stay unhappy then you can no longer blame anyone but yourself.

Oh, and I also make quite a bit more than my dh. I have a great partner but I’ve always worked for the things I want.

OP, what is your role in all of this? Are you contributing your fair share? Why is this all on your DH?

Hire a life coach and change your mindset.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your soul mate.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/918332.page

forgot link

OP, I found your soul mate.

Lady, you picked wrong if you just wanted a sugar daddy.

I very specifically wanted someone with a very stable job who owned a place already (because I did and I wanted to be on equal footing) who didn’t do drugs, who loves dogs and came from a stable family. And guess what, I went out and found that. You were barking up the wrong tree if you thought you were going to live in the lap of luxury.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed.

Hmmm... Another post on DCUM where I can't tell if the poster is serious or just having fun with flamebait...

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed.

You are a team! How can you blame him for “messing up.” You wanted an easy life, doing what you wanted while he figured out a way to underwrite your fantasy. That is an unfair and immature “ plan”.

Sit down with him. Each of you should discuss goals & priorities and how you will BOTH contribute to making them happen.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Did you not discuss this before you were married?

Sounds like YOU are also a poor planner if you did not see this coming!

Are you the OP that continually asks if men should make 150K or more to be desirable?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed.

You sound tiresome. Again. Lots of people START or CHANGE careers in their 30s. You act like you are 85 years old. Either wallow in the debt until you drown or get off your ass and do something. Those are your choices.