Anonymous wrote:The blueberry yogurt situation would drive me insane. Sometimes it is the small things that push you over the edge.

DP. Yes. My husband has Amelia Bedelia moments like this and it is crazy making, but I don’t think it is intentional. He just has his own weird way of doing things and our brains work very differently.

Didn’t read the previous post re the police. But I will say this, all that stuff that OP described would drive me insane. The first thought that entered my mind was personality disorder—maybe narcissist. Not sure. ADHD sounds a little plausible but I feel like there is more to it. The thing that people don’t get is this sort of behavior—the repeated apparent inability to do the simplest tasks that any adult should be able to easily accomplish—becomes utterly and completely exhausting and gets on your last nerve. Combine that with the stresses of a demanding job, kids, etc, they become soul crushingly aggravating. It’s like Chinese torture. It sounds like OP may not have had the best, or even appropriate, reactions in the past, but it also sounds like she is trying to understand. Be patient OP and try and seek some help in identifying the issue. Also be aware that you may also need some help to learn how to better cope and react. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Get the outlet fixed, do your own shopping and stop complaining.

So accept a useless husband? Think of him as another child?

Anonymous wrote:You seem a bit extreme. It doesn't seem like you get him as a person but are frustrated he doesn't get you.

It is quite possible that people at work don't see him as a total loser and so they treat him with respect and he returns it.

Did he feel he needed to be tested for dementia - what symptoms did he feel would warrant that?

You guys both are killing the marriage. Seriously. I am also sure how it looks to your daughter who will pick up on these things. Both of you need to sit down and work out something. All that is unsaid will blow up. If you are not prepared to resolve it. You will lose the marriage. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband would totally do the plugging in thing and the yogurt thing. He is a professor at an Ivy League university. He's very smart, but he has little space in his mind for things like remembering what plug doesn't work or is switched. That's just him. You have to accept it and realize what you bring to the table. I supply all practical skills, etc. in my family and that is fine with us.

it can be very frustrating and occasionally I get a bit snippy but mostly, I don't care. I realize fully he will never be competent in those areas.

The allergy thing sounds like he made an absent-minded mistake. he should have apologized and admitted it as soon as he realized but if you do explode often, he didn't want to kick the hornet's nest.

Sounds beyond exhausting. How do you expect to grow old with someone so needy and unhelpful? And what if something happened to you health wise— how would he help or advocate for you?

Answer the question about how he came to be “tested” for Alzheimer’s.

How old are the two of you?

ADHD is spot on I think

The outlet sounds like something my adhd kid would do. Despite knowing it wouldn’t work, she would get stuck on the idea that it should work and would just not be able to redirect her own behavior. It’s baffling to me but I have seen her do this over and over in situations to the point we have had to step in and physically redirect her actions. I don’t know how you intervene when it’s an adult though.

OP, my husband would totally do the plugging in thing and the yogurt thing. He is a professor at an Ivy League university. He's very smart, but he has little space in his mind for things like remembering what plug doesn't work or is switched. That's just him. You have to accept it and realize what you bring to the table. I supply all practical skills, etc. in my family and that is fine with us.

it can be very frustrating and occasionally I get a bit snippy but mostly, I don't care. I realize fully he will never be competent in those areas.

The allergy thing sounds like he made an absent-minded mistake. he should have apologized and admitted it as soon as he realized but if you do explode often, he didn't want to kick the hornet's nest.

I think he is purposely being annoying to mess with you. That was my first thought upon reading these examples. And maybe playing dumb about the milk to make you feel sick on purpose. It’s actually kind of brilliant that he can being this all on purpose and you’ll all diagnose him with everything under the sun. Maybe he just hates OP as much as she clearly hates him.

Angry Wife,

I can relate to your frustrations. My husband isn't quite like the way yours is, however, he definitely has some idiosyncrasies that make me want to pull my hair out. I can fully understand how it would drive the other person positively bonkers, b/c that's how I live some times. No suggestions. Just commiseration.

Anonymous wrote:What’s his job?

I was wondering the same. He sounds incapable of basic tasks.

Well that’s a moonshot solution. Potassium.

This sounds a lot like the scenerios at our house. Finally, we discovered he had a high potassium level, which was not only dangerous for his health, but was making him "loopy'. Blood sugar problems will also cause those symptoms. For right now, please ask your doctor for a complete blood workup. I also suggest that you listen to this program at https://bit.ly/2kdlCgF. It really helped me to be more understanding and helpful toward my husband . This is not something either of you would have chosen and your husband may not even be aware of his behavior, but if he is I can't imagine how uncomfortable this must be. I remember feeling I really don't need to have to deal with this but there is hope and help available. A call to this number may also be able to help you locate some other resources- 855-382-5433. I am praying for you and your family.

The blueberry yogurt situation would drive me insane. Sometimes it is the small things that push you over the edge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it is still you. You need to try another week where you just focus on yourself and your own reactions and stop worrying about what is “wrong” with your husband.

Last week the police came to your house because of your abusive behavior and this week you are mad about blueberries and convinced it proves you’re not the problem?

You need to start working on your own self with a therapist before you even think about policing ÷@@@@?your husband any more.

Wait... what??

The police came to your house last week due to YOUR abusive behavior, OP??

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/823175.page

OP acknowledged that she was out of line and needs to work on her anger. At the same time, her husband's ongoing behavior is extremely angry-making, and she seems to honestly be looking for feedback and advice on how to work on herself and her marriage.