Are you also the OP who cooks and cleans for your 66 year old father, even though he's able-bodied and perfectly able to look after himself?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/45/1315885.page#31739081

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating and do you plan to marry him?

We’ve been dating 7 months, and we haven’t talked about marriage yet, I don’t know.. I’m twice divorced.

He is using you.

The child misbehaves because he can sense that the father farmed them out. That has probably happened before.

I would break up with him and let their mother know. That father does not deserve shared custody.

Why do you even want to date a deadbeat dad? He doesn't want to give up "his" custody time, but he's not even spending time with his child during this time. He's pawning off his child onto whoever is keeping his bed warm currently.

You're twice divorced; don't you want to find a quality, good man? A dad who never wants to see his child OR pay to support them is not a quality person and not a good man. You think this is going to be a successful third marriage? Or just a third divorce?

No

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really surprised if Mom is okay with this situation. Kids are old enough to tell her what's happening, and personally I'd be PISSED.

NP? Why? It’s his time. Lots of people hire sitters

He didn’t hire a sitter though. He leveraged his girlfriend so he could outsource parenting overnight and on the weekends during "his time." If this is happening regularly he probably shouldn't have as much custody as he does, but this way he can cut his child support, not pay for a babysitter, and still not parent.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's okay if it's an occasional thing, but you shouldn't be the solution to his regular/on-going childcare needs. It sounds like you are functioning like a step parent without actually being one. If you haven't talked about marriage or that's not in the cards, I don't think fair to you or the kids either.

Agree. Way too soon for you to be doing anything other than an occasional favor.

If you were engaged or very committed, probably different story.

Oh for crying out loud. If OP were really in this situation, she wouldn’t be posting on dcum about it. C’mon.

Stop wasting our time, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Seven months? You never should have even met these children, yet.

Not op but sadly I have a friend who’s been dating for 4 months and they already met each other’s kids…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really surprised if Mom is okay with this situation. Kids are old enough to tell her what's happening, and personally I'd be PISSED.

NP? Why? It’s his time. Lots of people hire sitters

He probably tells mom that he hired a baby sitter . lol

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really surprised if Mom is okay with this situation. Kids are old enough to tell her what's happening, and personally I'd be PISSED.

NP? Why? It’s his time. Lots of people hire sitters

Where is your fifteen year old while you are babysitting his kids for free??

OP. I am in a serious relationship with a divorced dad and I have dated others.

This is NOT ok.

You aren't even the stepmom.

But even if you WERE the stepmom, he should not be pushing off so much of the child care to you.

He is the DAD. He has shared custody. HE should be caring for them.

Leaving, overnight, on HIS custody time? Should be a rarity. And he shouldn't even be leaving them with you for a few hours either unless it's an extreme emergency. If he can't be there for his kids, he should either give the mom more custody OR have stable, PAID child care in place.

This is not a good dad. And he is using you. Move on. If you don't want to move on, tell him his kids are delightful but that at this stage in the relationship, you think you should only spend time with them when he is present. That you don't think it's the right dynamic for you to be babysitting.

Bottom line is, if you do not want to do something….then you should not have to do it.

If you no longer want to watch them - - simply let your boyfriend know.
He may not be okay w/it (since you have agreed to watch them before) but that would be HIS issue > not yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: We’ve been officially dating for 7 months, but we’ve known each other since college. I’ve been babysitting for about four months now. I have two kids — a 15-year-old daughter, and a 19 year daughter away at college, with my ex-husband. I was also briefly married right out of high school/in freshman year college (young and dumb, so I don’t really count that one..).

OK but his kids haven't known you since college. And nothing you said changes the fact that you're free, a convenient way for him to dump his kids and avoid responsibility. Do you all live together?

No, we don’t live together. He’s very busy with work, including during weekends, which is why he asked me to babysit. The kids mother, doesn’t mind.

Are you sure she doesn't mind, or did he tell you she doesn't mind? I would be livid if my ex did this.

Even my mediocre ex who has the kids every weekend and has introduced them to a new girlfriend every 6 mo-1 yr hasn't left my kids to be babysat by the women, unless it's to go pick up some food real quick.

My kids are that same age. 7 year old would never hit/kick another adult, that is not normal. His sister? Maybe. Tantrum happens every few months. Why are you putting up with this mess!