I feel like there’s a middle ground before divorce. But it may be hard to get to, given how much your dislike your husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Why does he refuse?
Does he want you to work? Like... are you a helicopter-y partner? Do you let him have a presence in the child's life?

He refuses because he likes the cushier lifestyle. Yes he wants me to work. He likes to hang out with VPs of tech companies and buy expensive wines to bring to their parties. He likes to send money to his mother and play the doting son. Like many of us, he likes the things money can buy. I don’t fault him for that, I am just not willing to keep enabling it at the expense of my health. I feel used and yes very resentful.

I'm curious about the income levels here (yours vs his) because he does not sound like your stereotypical professor.
I was in academia and sometimes that industry attracts people who don't want a "real job" with a "boss"... if he's not even particularly passionate about his research I"d be pissed too.

My DH did this and six months later I filed for divorce. You are an idiot if you think that life with a newborn and 3 year old will be better as a single parent than with a lower earning partner who is the kids father.

I really doubt you are as high earning as you think you are.

Anonymous wrote:Same OP?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/857023.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/883858.page#17262876

Apparently so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously he has more free time but is not choosing to take on more parenting/home life work so she is leaning back to pick that up. Obviously they will have to downsize their lifestyle and if he doesn’t want to he will have to change jobs. Not sure why everyone is mad at her she is prioritizing her kids makes sense to me. No one is required to support a spouses dream career, but both parents need to help take care of their kids with either their time or their money. If one is not pulling his weight it’s time to change the balance.

It could be true, but that's not obvious to me. OP should say something about that.

He is willing to take on more and has done so, but my daughter still cries for me and wants to spend more time with me, and me her. I want to slow down and spend more time with my kids, especially with the 2nd almost here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Why does he refuse?
Does he want you to work? Like... are you a helicopter-y partner? Do you let him have a presence in the child's life?

He refuses because he likes the cushier lifestyle. Yes he wants me to work. He likes to hang out with VPs of tech companies and buy expensive wines to bring to their parties. He likes to send money to his mother and play the doting son. Like many of us, he likes the things money can buy. I don’t fault him for that, I am just not willing to keep enabling it at the expense of my health. I feel used and yes very resentful.

How much do you make? How much does he make?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Why does he refuse?
Does he want you to work? Like... are you a helicopter-y partner? Do you let him have a presence in the child's life?

He refuses because he likes the cushier lifestyle. Yes he wants me to work. He likes to hang out with VPs of tech companies and buy expensive wines to bring to their parties. He likes to send money to his mother and play the doting son. Like many of us, he likes the things money can buy. I don’t fault him for that, I am just not willing to keep enabling it at the expense of my health. I feel used and yes very resentful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

So you just dont want to work at all, and have your husband support you, but he doesnt make enough? It sounds like you wont let DH take on more household responsibility so you are running yourself ragged trying to do both. Take a more relaxed position, and both work towards a healthy happy future for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:Obviously he has more free time but is not choosing to take on more parenting/home life work so she is leaning back to pick that up. Obviously they will have to downsize their lifestyle and if he doesn’t want to he will have to change jobs. Not sure why everyone is mad at her she is prioritizing her kids makes sense to me. No one is required to support a spouses dream career, but both parents need to help take care of their kids with either their time or their money. If one is not pulling his weight it’s time to change the balance.

It could be true, but that's not obvious to me. OP should say something about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Why does he refuse?
Does he want you to work? Like... are you a helicopter-y partner? Do you let him have a presence in the child's life?

Obviously he has more free time but is not choosing to take on more parenting/home life work so she is leaning back to pick that up. Obviously they will have to downsize their lifestyle and if he doesn’t want to he will have to change jobs. Not sure why everyone is mad at her she is prioritizing her kids makes sense to me. No one is required to support a spouses dream career, but both parents need to help take care of their kids with either their time or their money. If one is not pulling his weight it’s time to change the balance.

Op is probably a crap mother too. She seems too immature to be able to raise kids well

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

He probably detests you. You seem to have no redeemable qualities.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

I am open to modifying our lifestyle.
We can move back into our old house, and I am happy to do so. Our tenants move out in June, we could do it then.

If we did that, we could live on my husband’s income for the most part. However, he is refusing to do this.

Her attitude is totally despicable and I'm firmly on the side of her professor husband. She sounds like a self-obsessed nut job and I'm sorry for her kids.