Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try edibles.

🙄 Telling people to do drugs. Come on.

Accept yourself OP. Its ok lots of people are the same as you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

This is a choice. It's not who you are - you are CHOOSING to be uptight. And if other people are with you when changing tables, you are affecting others negatively. That's rude, OP. Do you realize that your rudeness is a choice?

Why do you need to be "content" all the time? Do you have control issues, in general?

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this took off. Lots of thoughts to process.

Different from others posting, I'm not really Type A. I'm not an overachiever, I don't talk a lot, and I'm not controlling of other people. I would never ask to change tables at a restaurant, and if my dining companion did, I would get so stressed out because I worry it's screwing things up for the staff and that they are annoyed with us and that would be my focus for the rest of the meal.

I'm just neurotic and worry about things a lot. This leads to me not being "game" for things because I over think them, and that's what annoys people. Or just my general vibe, because I'm not relaxed and smiling and go with the flow -- I tend to have a more serious expression on my face and don't come off as relaxed (because I am not). People seem to steer clear of me, and I think it's because I seem tightly wound and stressed out a lot.

It bothers me both because I don't enjoy feeling this way and also because I can tell it is off-putting to others. It's just the whole thing. But I've tried hard to change my nature and become more easy going, and this is just who I am.

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

Anonymous wrote:I am just an uptight person and I don't think I'll ever be anything different. I can tell it annoys other people (or even just amuses them) sometimes, and keeps them from liking me more. Heck, it annoys me. I want to be more go with the flow but I just cannot. I have done therapy, taken SSRIs for anxiety, I do yoga and exercise, I even meditate. All this stuff helps but it doesn't change my personality. Even when my anxiety is in check, I'm still just more uptight than other people.

Not really asking a question here, just venting. I envy those of you who are just chill and easy going and don't feel like you have to be hyper vigilant about everything all the time. I wish I was not alway working through my anxious feelings (even successfully) and that instead I just... didn't get them. But I'm nearing 50 and I've always been this way. I guess it's just who I am.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.

As a PP stated up thread. Chill people aren't on alert and are surprised when things go sideways. I would contend a Chill person doesn't have the skill set to help you solve your problems. Which, as you said, is not their job anyway. As a result, there is no motivation to help, but are happy to receive it when they are "surprised" but something occurring in their lives.

Example A of being judgmental and condescending.

Believe it or not, I didn't mean it that way. I was trying to say that a person who doesn't spend a great deal of time making sure that there is a plan for any eventuality is not going to have ready answers to help. They also might think: What's the big deal? Perhaps rightly. It can be unrealistic to think that a chill person is going to be a go-to person to provide help.

Anonymous wrote:I am similar. Like you therapy and meditation helped. Xanax helps in very stressful situations. I have a few mantras (that does not belong to me, this too shall pass, I am a capable woman who can figure it out….). Daily life exercise and getting outside no matter the weather helps. Reading books (hard cover or paperback) that are not too stressful helps. Watching a favorite movie or tv show helps.

What helps me the most is an hour long swim/deep water aerobic class with a hot shower after. It just relaxes me the most.

Taking the edges off helps, but you are right we cannot change who we are- nor should we.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.

As a PP stated up thread. Chill people aren't on alert and are surprised when things go sideways. I would contend a Chill person doesn't have the skill set to help you solve your problems. Which, as you said, is not their job anyway. As a result, there is no motivation to help, but are happy to receive it when they are "surprised" but something occurring in their lives.

Example A of being judgmental and condescending.

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you give an example of when you think you were uptight and it annoyed someone?

Wondering if it’s just your interpretation and people aren’t really bothered by it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.

As a PP stated up thread. Chill people aren't on alert and are surprised when things go sideways. I would contend a Chill person doesn't have the skill set to help you solve your problems. Which, as you said, is not their job anyway. As a result, there is no motivation to help, but are happy to receive it when they are "surprised" but something occurring in their lives.