We have a gay child. My husband thinks other families will judge us and not want to marry our daughter. Are we no longer a good family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Wait what?

You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?

You also missed the "father is good, the family is good" part too...wait whaaaat?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traits of a good family:

- Educated parents who are upstanding citizens and have a good moral compass. No drinking or drug abuse. Good head on their shoulders.
- No drama. Pleasant and friendly with a good reputation in the community.
- devoted to family and their children. Celebrate holidays with vigor, birthday parties, weddings, celebrations. Family comes together to support and uplift one another. Bonus if there are family traditions!
- lack of severe financial distress. You do not have to be extremely wealthy but you must possess enough wealth to have a safe clean home in a safe neighborhood, decent schools and neighbors. Children must have at least college education and be gainfully employed as adults.

Why would this matter for your spouse’s parents?

Good education is important. Elite schools aren’t needed but good basic schools are a necessity.

We have a strong immediate family and very strong extended family on my side. No generational trauma. Everyone likes one another. We all love when there is a family wedding or a milestone birthday so everyone can get together. We support each other. There aren’t grudges or rivalries. When a family member (cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, grandparent, etc) is going through difficulty people step in and help out, check in.

The families are good neighbors and community members and give back.

My husbands side- some siblings are estranged, there were alcoholics and abandonments, dropouts out of high school, no stability, generational trauma, jealousy, rivalry and everyone is divorced except for us.

So I don’t think he came from a good family. But he’s a good person.

Anonymous wrote:Traits of a good family:

- Educated parents who are upstanding citizens and have a good moral compass. No drinking or drug abuse. Good head on their shoulders.
- No drama. Pleasant and friendly with a good reputation in the community.
- devoted to family and their children. Celebrate holidays with vigor, birthday parties, weddings, celebrations. Family comes together to support and uplift one another. Bonus if there are family traditions!
- lack of severe financial distress. You do not have to be extremely wealthy but you must possess enough wealth to have a safe clean home in a safe neighborhood, decent schools and neighbors. Children must have at least college education and be gainfully employed as adults.

Why would this matter for your spouse’s parents?

Stable with no drama. It's like pornography vs nudity- you know it when you see it.

Traits of a good family:

- Educated parents who are upstanding citizens and have a good moral compass. No drinking or drug abuse. Good head on their shoulders.
- No drama. Pleasant and friendly with a good reputation in the community.
- devoted to family and their children. Celebrate holidays with vigor, birthday parties, weddings, celebrations. Family comes together to support and uplift one another. Bonus if there are family traditions!
- lack of severe financial distress. You do not have to be extremely wealthy but you must possess enough wealth to have a safe clean home in a safe neighborhood, decent schools and neighbors. Children must have at least college education and be gainfully employed as adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to add - stability is key. Many divorces can cancel the effect of the wealth.

Yes. Hence why the Bidens and the Trumps would not be considered “good” families.

The Bushes would. The Middletons would.

Is the royal family a “good family”? Lots of dysfunction and instability despite massive wealth and status…

Not “despite,” rather “because of.”

Anonymous wrote:Just to add - stability is key. Many divorces can cancel the effect of the wealth.

Yes. Hence why the Bidens and the Trumps would not be considered “good” families.

The Bushes would. The Middletons would.

Is the royal family a “good family”? Lots of dysfunction and instability despite massive wealth and status…

Anonymous wrote:I think it refers to levels of education and profession and/or wealth, plus, as PPs have said lack of criminal records. A friend of mine was the child of two divorced judges. His family would still be considered "good." Another friend was the son of a successful business owner and housewife who stayed married. Also "good." Another friend was the son of a woman who graduated from college and inherited great wealth but married four times. Would people think his family a "good" one?

Rupert Murdoch is marrying for the 5th time in July.

I’d say no

Look at one of my favorite DCUM threads:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1036321.page

A family in which those behaviors are absent. Somewhere in the middle or upper middle.

Just to add - stability is key. Many divorces can cancel the effect of the wealth.

Anonymous wrote:This typically means people with money who aren't criminals.

+1

I think it refers to levels of education and profession and/or wealth, plus, as PPs have said lack of criminal records. A friend of mine was the child of two divorced judges. His family would still be considered "good." Another friend was the son of a successful business owner and housewife who stayed married. Also "good." Another friend was the son of a woman who graduated from college and inherited great wealth but married four times. Would people think his family a "good" one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good family = Still Married
I’m not saying a divorced family is a bad family, it’s just not the utopic poster child ideal version of GOOD family.

My parents have been together for 50 something years but my dad suddenly up and left. Am I from a bad family?

I mean yes, if someone is looking at your family from the outside they will perceive it differently than they did 10 yrs ago. Does not erase your own experience.

I don't think there is a perfect family though. A good family mostly depends on the father. If the father is good, lawful, financially responsible, puts family first and isn't a selfish narcissist then it's all good times ahead for the family. [b]You have the kids college paid, nice house in nice neighborhood instead of some roach or mouse infested place, nice schools, more opportunities, parents speak fluent English, good jobs, all those equal good family.

Wait what?

You missed the part “parents speak fluent English” . . . Wait what?

Good family doesn’t necessarily mean rich (“good schools, nice neighborhood”) like you think.

The only relevance money has with being a “good family” is that you do need a certain amount of stability to cultivate the traits associated with class and being good. Beyond that, money is irrelevant as look at the Trumps.

Agreed. Same with in an tact family and education.