Anonymous wrote:Is this troll fun or what?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/633859.page

Good catch!

Is this troll fun or what?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/633859.page

Guy here. Yes, this coworker is interested in you.

You need to tell him again that you don't mind having this "friendly" relationship with him as long as his fiancee/wife is aware and on-board with the level of communication. Tell him that you'll be limited your responses and discussions with him to some limit (once/day maybe?) excepting work issues until you hear from his fiancee that she is aware of your friendship and has no issue with it. Tell him to send her cell number to you after he's had that discussion with her and you will text her directly to make sure. Then go through with it. Work email/texts only. Once/day chat with him. Keep it short.

As for the communication. If he texts you, you don't answer and the phone rings, then dismiss the call and send him a text "Busy now. Will contact you tomorrow." Then if he contacts you again, block his number until the next day.

Really, you have to hit him over the head with the fact that until you know that his wife is on-board with the friendship, you have to set a boundary and stick to it. He obviously will not.

This "friend" does not know how to take NO for an answer.

And this is not a healthy thing.

He sees you as his lifeline OP.
He cannot fathom living life w/out you.

This has the makings of a Lifetime movie written all over it.

You told him directly how you feel + what you want.
In return he is not complying w/your requests and is instead contacting you over & over in an obsessed fashion.

It's not unilateral.
He does not get to dictate the entire friendship.
He does not have the right to exert total control.

A good, stable (!) friend will accept the status quo.
Bar none.

I hope he doesn't know where you live.

Anonymous wrote:If there was a sexual thing, he would have made a move. You are simply good friends, maybe his best friend. That normally doesn't change when someone gets married.

OP here...Oh he would never have the nerve to make a move on me. I have been dating on and off since I have known him and he knows he is so not my type. His present fiancé is a really nice, fabulous girl but she is nothing like me at all. Completely different genre of women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please read The Gift of Fear. You keep dismissing things that he does that are actually bit huge waving red flags.

that, or Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Abusive Men by Lundy Bancroft. You're not in a relationship with him, but he wants to control and manipulate all of your time.

On my list

Anonymous wrote:OP, please read The Gift of Fear. You keep dismissing things that he does that are actually bit huge waving red flags.

You're right. I read it years ago when it first came out. Need to re-read.

Anonymous wrote:If there was a sexual thing, he would have made a move. You are simply good friends, maybe his best friend. That normally doesn't change when someone gets married.

Sure it does. If you are single female do you really believe the new wife wants you to be friends with their husband and they don't know you and aren't friends with you. From the sounds of this the fiancé barely knows she exist and she certainly doesn't know the obsessive compulsive behavior he is showing toward her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -so what did the texts say?

This guy is really bad news and he is just starting to show how hooked he is to you - and it's not flattering. It's really scary.

Tell him you don't feel comfortable anymore with anything outside of work-related conversations and change your personal number.

Also: when did you last date? Did your friend seem jealous about it?

Op here, finally read the text this morning. All 23 of them. Lots of "Sorry you feel this way", "why do things have to change", "aren't we friends any more", Still pushing the idea to ask "permission" from new wife after they are married.

I am currently dating someone past 45 or so days. Yeah, he didn't appreciate the calls and the phone bouncing and beeping from all the text and calls. He said that had it rung one more time he was going to answer it.

That's totally your solution!! Have the guy answe the phone and tell the other guy it's inappropriate to call you so much!!

Anonymous wrote:OP -so what did the texts say?

This guy is really bad news and he is just starting to show how hooked he is to you - and it's not flattering. It's really scary.

Tell him you don't feel comfortable anymore with anything outside of work-related conversations and change your personal number.

Also: when did you last date? Did your friend seem jealous about it?

Op here, finally read the text this morning. All 23 of them. Lots of "Sorry you feel this way", "why do things have to change", "aren't we friends any more", Still pushing the idea to ask "permission" from new wife after they are married.

I am currently dating someone past 45 or so days. Yeah, he didn't appreciate the calls and the phone bouncing and beeping from all the text and calls. He said that had it rung one more time he was going to answer it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, please read The Gift of Fear. You keep dismissing things that he does that are actually bit huge waving red flags.

that, or Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Abusive Men by Lundy Bancroft. You're not in a relationship with him, but he wants to control and manipulate all of your time.

Any update, OP?

OP, please read The Gift of Fear. You keep dismissing things that he does that are actually bit huge waving red flags.

If there was a sexual thing, he would have made a move. You are simply good friends, maybe his best friend. That normally doesn't change when someone gets married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is not a nice guy. He is all push push push, who knows what he'll do if he thinks you are serious about this. Op, take care of your self.

I am serious about this. What is it you think he will do? I am done here. Had he reacted better would have survived as good friends but not now if he thinks I am some secret he can keep from his new bride.

The secrecy tells you it's not innocent. The pushiness tells you it's not respectful or friendly.