Getting Married in 2 months....but I love someone else I can't have

[Anonymous]

In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Why cant you be with your coworker? You stated that she is single

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you be with your coworker? You stated that she is single

+1

Also wondering...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

[Anonymous]

Please don't use the women you are about to marry. She deserves far more than you can give her.

My now exDH used me in this way - to have a marriage and kids, even though he liked me but wasn't in love with me. I loved him deeply, but what he did devastated my life. I think of him now as a thief - he stole my autonomy and power by hiding his true feelings. It would have been so much better if he had just been honest. I could have dealt with anything. But his dishonesty robbed me of years and a life that I will never get back.

You are a coward and a user if you do not come clean and call off the wedding now.

[Anonymous]

Either cut this woman off, or call off the wedding. You are emotionally intimate with her, and it's preventing you from being fully present to your fiancé. Single woman is getting what she wants - a piece of you without the obligations of s real relationship. You're stuck in a fantasy with her. You can't have both, op. You have to makes decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

Calling off a wedding is nothing compared to divorce. Not even close.

You are using your fiancée as a means to an end that you want for yourself. That is reprehensible and wrong.

You need to end this now. You owe her that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either cut this woman off, or call off the wedding. You are emotionally intimate with her, and it's preventing you from being fully present to your fiancé. Single woman is getting what she wants - a piece of you without the obligations of s real relationship. You're stuck in a fantasy with her. You can't have both, op. You have to makes decision.

I know, I need to do something but as the time gets closer and closer to the wedding I want to see her more and more. This week I called her every day first thing in the morning just to chat and talk about our evenings and what the day had in store for us. I know I am potentially sabotaging my marriage but there is an almost genetic calling I have for this woman. It isn't a sex thing where I just want to have at her, I just want to be in her presence. I have to stop. I have to figure this out but everytime I lay down a plan I catch myself phoning or texting or something, just reaching out to know she is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

You know what would crush her more? Finding out after she's been married for 2, 5, 10 years and has a few kids that her husband doesn't really love her and has always been in love with someone else. She deserves to know, and she deserves to know before she marries you. To do hide this from her is the most selfish thing you could possibly do.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

Not the OP, but what if it isn't love, what if it is an EA or infatuation that given the time away it will fade. He isn't going to be able to keep up this level of contact once he is actually married. There is no way he could do that and not at least get questioned by his wife on who he is texting and talking to. Is that your plan? You get married and you are forced to reduce contact with this person and you are hoping it all just goes away?

You know what would crush her more? Finding out after she's been married for 2, 5, 10 years and has a few kids that her husband doesn't really love her and has always been in love with someone else. She deserves to know, and she deserves to know before she marries you. To do hide this from her is the most selfish thing you could possibly do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

Not the OP, but what if it isn't love, what if it is an EA or infatuation that given the time away it will fade. He isn't going to be able to keep up this level of contact once he is actually married. There is no way he could do that and not at least get questioned by his wife on who he is texting and talking to. Is that your plan? You get married and you are forced to reduce contact with this person and you are hoping it all just goes away?

You know what would crush her more? Finding out after she's been married for 2, 5, 10 years and has a few kids that her husband doesn't really love her and has always been in love with someone else. She deserves to know, and she deserves to know before she marries you. To do hide this from her is the most selfish thing you could possibly do.

Not the OP, but what if it isn't love, what if it is an EA or infatuation that given the time away it will fade. He isn't going to be able to keep up this level of contact once he is actually married. There is no way he could do that and not at least get questioned by his wife on who he is texting and talking to. Is that your plan? You get married and you are forced to reduce contact with this person and you are hoping it all just goes away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

OP here, that is my thought. I have something real. She is a sweet wonderful woman who I am about to marry. Why give her up for someone I am not even positive loves me even a little. Bird in the hand concept. To the previous user, to some extent yeah that is my plan let it fade away once I am married cause I won't be able to be in contact with her to the level I am now.

[Anonymous]

The absolute kindest thing you can do for your fiance is to tell her the truth. She'll figure it out eventually anyway. It is really cruel to use someone like that.