Anonymous wrote:Online dating sucks

agree PP!

Online dating sucks

Hi PPs. This is OP. Thanks for all your replies and for catching up. You know, I really want to date and meet new people. I am not actively looking for a long term relationship at this point in my life. I never really dated before. I met my ex husband and we were married for almost 12 years so I feel I skipped the dating process. I am looking to meet people and just go out and have a nice time. If I meet someone I like, great! If not, then at least I went out and tried. It is hard for me to put myself out there and be the first one to email someone I find interesting - I am not like that in real life. I find internet dating awkward but at least they don't know me! The men who have contacted me are much older - in their fifties and at this stage I am not really looking to date a man that much older. Also, as shallow as this sounds they are not my type physically. Someone who is here visiting from France contacted me last night and seems eager to correspond with me. He is 40 and divorced and is a single dad. He liked, favored and emailed me. That may be a bit much. We have a few things in common so I will see. Also, I totally agree with the pp who said that single dads will have more in common with me. I don't know any single dads now. I did find a few that seemed interesting through match but they have not returned my emails. Thanks all! I really appreciate the advice and support.

OP, what about the single dads who are in your kids school and other activities. I can't believe that not one of these guys thinks you're attractive and would love to just grab a coffee or something.

OP, what's wrong with the guys who did contact you?

I wasn't on all weekend, but was the one that asked how it was going. Thanks for the update. Heck, I'm curious and want you to go out on some dates! If solely to get you back out there and to realize, there are plenty of guys to date.

When I initially created online profiles, I was in the "new members" category. At the very least, I got contacted by the guys sitting around waiting for the newbies. Not being sarcastic, but check your profile settings to make sure they can see you -- and also, make sure you are emailing active members. Agree you need to put up more pictures -- dressed up, casual, at least one full-length).

I had more luck on OKC. Some of the questions are ridiculous, many are not. The more you answer, the closer you get to a good match (using their methods). Plenty of people looking for hook-ups on both sites, but I found it obvious and they can be weeded out.

I'm the same age as you, also two kids. I was always up front about my situation. I do not have a lot of kid-free time, or free time. So I don't want to bother if they are not interested in me for me. I had guys ask if I was serious about not having more children (don't recall what site asked that question).

I've had the most success with single fathers who are involved in their kids' lives. Because my kids are with me a lot, I don't think I would deal well with a guy who is the equivalent of my ex (tons of free time, sees his kids once a week type thing). I have gone out with (but not seriously dated) up to 10 years younger. I agree completely, that a 40 year old guy who does not have children, is going to be looking for a younger woman. Just generalizing. I think I went out with just a few men my age. My current BF was out of my search criteria and is about 7 years older (though I put in up to 49 at the time). 40 is a cut off for a lot of men -- they put up to 39. But I see zero value in lying about your age.

Keep trying! Cast a wide net and start giving some of the guys that show interest a chance. Unless they are creepy, it can't hurt.

Anonymous wrote:On OKCupid, I tend to think that it's more of a hookup dating site, especially if you answer the sex questions. Don't answer them. By not answering them, you will attract the guys looking for more of a relationship. I totally agree that people revealing very intimate details about their sex life before you've even met the person is a bit strange.

Um, as a former OK cupid user, this is terrible advice. Answering sex questions does not tag you as someone who wants a hookup. What it does is help you pair off with someone who is more likely to be sexually compatible - to have similar attitudes. This actually helps you screen out people who are just interested in hookups and who have tastes too vanilla or too kinky for you.

Yes pp, i totally agree with you about having kids. I have two kids. Most of the guys i have emailed or liked do not have kids. I think i emailed a few that do, they have not shown any interest either. I am going to add more pictures as another pp suggested.

It may also be that you have kids. If it is your age, I don't think you would have the same difficulty out in the real world where people are meeting you in person. But online these guys have so many options that they get pickier about stuff like that - they may just decide not to even consider women out of the age range they are looking for. Especially if they have never been married and don't have children of their own yet. Plus I hear that so many guys on match are just looking for sex (anecdotal - don't knowing it's true). Can you tell if any if the guys you have shown interest in have kids? How old are they?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi pp! Thank you so much for your thoughtful list! I liked three men and it appears they havent even looked at my profile. Is this typical? I can tell by looking at the who viewed you list. Also, i emailed one guy who didnt look at my profile either. What do you think is going on? I am not really understanding this process. If i got an email or a like from someone i would look at their profile.

This is really surprising as I have always thought online dating is 100,000 times easier for women.

OP here. Since I posted I have liked and emailed even more guys. I have not received a response from any of the emails I sent. I accidently liked a few guys and I received an email from one of them - bummer. My point is that not one of the guys who I have actively shown an interest in has reciprocated any interest. This is much harder and more frustrating than I anticipated. Something I do find is that guys my age (I am 40) definitely want to date younger. I am surprised by this even though I probably shouldn't be. I have started widening my searches to include 50-53 year old men but I think that is a bit too old for me.

Anonymous wrote:Hi pp! Thank you so much for your thoughtful list! I liked three men and it appears they havent even looked at my profile. Is this typical? I can tell by looking at the who viewed you list. Also, i emailed one guy who didnt look at my profile either. What do you think is going on? I am not really understanding this process. If i got an email or a like from someone i would look at their profile.

This is really surprising as I have always thought online dating is 100,000 times easier for women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sent three messages and you're giving up? What are you saying in your messages? Sounds obvious, but are you asking questions that they can answer? If you are sending out a generic "hey, how are you?" of course they won't answer. Would you?

Let me put it in perspective: One month I decided to really commit and give it my all on a paid dating site. I sent out more than 60 messages.

How many pictures do you have on the site? Are they all of only your face? All group shots where they can't tell which one you are? Tons of makeup? Duck-face?

Speed dating was a shit-show for me. That's my own personal hell -- guy after guy asking you what you do for work and what you do for fun.
There was a thread on speed dating and I bookmarked it.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/307500.page

Hi PP. Ok, now I have written five emails AND I have liked about ten other guys (I know that some people advised me against this but I didn't want to email because no one has responded). I only have one picture which is a picture of my face and I know I have to add more. What I think is hysterical is that SO many of the guys post pictures of vacations they have taken and they (they guys posting) are not in them! I have seen so many photos of beautiful beaches and historical sites!

I started doing OK cupid and answered over 200 questions - my some of those questions are quite personal - about sex - and then panicked because I didn't want anyone viewing my answers! I wasn't sure but thought that other people could see my answers. I spent 2 hours on that site answering questions and then deleted my profile - waste of time! Ugh. . . .so frustrating! But again, thank you PP for your advice. I will proceed. . .

Again: 5 emails? That's nothing. I could send out five emails in one day, easily.
Picture: you need more. One of just your face isn't enough for most guys. Even if you put your 'body type' on okc because I've seen girls (and guys) that were easily 200+ pounds and still considered themselves "average" as body type.
You don't have to answer the sex questions. That's why there is the option to skip questions.

With online dating there is one big important rule: you get what you put in. I can't believe you already deleted your profile and gave up.

Thanks PP! I will put up a body picture!

I cant believe you put up one photo of your face and expect a response! I would assume your body is being hidden for a reason and I'm a woman. I like body pics of guys because so many lie about their height in their profiles.

You need to get at least one other picture of your body. Guys have been burned before by seeing a cute face only to realize upon meeting that the body is not so cute.

On OKCupid, I tend to think that it's more of a hookup dating site, especially if you answer the sex questions. Don't answer them. By not answering them, you will attract the guys looking for more of a relationship. I totally agree that people revealing very intimate details about their sex life before you've even met the person is a bit strange.