Anonymous
09/19/2025 23:07
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OMG folks this woman has posted three times this week about her situation.
Lady, you don’t need to go on dates with internet randos. You need serious professional help.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1291624.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1292696.page
Sure it's not 3 different people? Lots of folks like this out there.
OP or Jeff can you confirm?
Anonymous
09/19/2025 22:03
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:OMG folks this woman has posted three times this week about her situation.
Lady, you don’t need to go on dates with internet randos. You need serious professional help.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1291624.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1292696.page
Sure it's not 3 different people? Lots of folks like this out there.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 21:46
Subject: Give me hope please
OMG folks this woman has posted three times this week about her situation.
Lady, you don’t need to go on dates with internet randos. You need serious professional help.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1291624.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1292696.page
Lady, you don’t need to go on dates with internet randos. You need serious professional help.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1291624.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1292696.page
Anonymous
09/19/2025 21:29
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:
- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)
- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men
- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety
And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.
I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.
I found him by:
1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).
2. Never reaching out to a man first.
3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.
4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.
5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.
To give you the numbers:
1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.
2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).
3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.
4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.
5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.
He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).
This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.
I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.
But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!
This! And check out the Burned Haystack Dating Method.
PP here! I've never heard of the Burned Haystack method before but this is EXACTLY what I do!
The goal isn't to have a new date every night of the week. I'd rather meet one new man a month, but he's a GOOD match, than meet 30 new men a month who are mediocre/not that into me.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 20:30
Subject: Give me hope please
Def check out the Burned Haystack method. Very helpful in weeding out men only looking for a hookup/arent what you are looking for.
Burned Haystack gives great insight into how you can tell a lot about a man from his profile. Because of what I have gleaned, in the past few days I have blocked men who:
1- mentioned on his profile that he is looking for a woman in touch w her sensual side. Clearly just looking for a hookup, which is fine. Thats what I was looking for when my exdh first separated but I quickly got that out of my system.
2- sent me an intro message with another woman’s name in it. This happens more often than you would believe, I assume they think it makes them look like they are a catch bc they have so many women?
3- said on his profile that he is very “go with the flow” and not a good planner so you have to either be very go with the flow also or plan everything.
4- generally any men who mentions something about how he never thought he would be on OLD but here he is, save him from another bad date bc OLD sucks so bad, etc. Ummm, Im on OLD also, I dont suck and am not pathetic.
You get the drift. I also dont waste my time on men who state that they dont know what they are looking for or are only looking for casual dates. I also dont usually entertain men who clearly didnt put much time into their profile/pics. Shows that they dont prioritize meeting someone solid.
I have fewer conversations but with better people and have been out on actual dates w better quality men.
Burned Haystack gives great insight into how you can tell a lot about a man from his profile. Because of what I have gleaned, in the past few days I have blocked men who:
1- mentioned on his profile that he is looking for a woman in touch w her sensual side. Clearly just looking for a hookup, which is fine. Thats what I was looking for when my exdh first separated but I quickly got that out of my system.
2- sent me an intro message with another woman’s name in it. This happens more often than you would believe, I assume they think it makes them look like they are a catch bc they have so many women?
3- said on his profile that he is very “go with the flow” and not a good planner so you have to either be very go with the flow also or plan everything.
4- generally any men who mentions something about how he never thought he would be on OLD but here he is, save him from another bad date bc OLD sucks so bad, etc. Ummm, Im on OLD also, I dont suck and am not pathetic.
You get the drift. I also dont waste my time on men who state that they dont know what they are looking for or are only looking for casual dates. I also dont usually entertain men who clearly didnt put much time into their profile/pics. Shows that they dont prioritize meeting someone solid.
I have fewer conversations but with better people and have been out on actual dates w better quality men.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 20:18
Subject: Give me hope please
When women are in unhappy marriage men are horrible yada yada. When they are divorced oh no there are nice men out there. Then they start a new relationship break up couple of years again and it's starts all over again men are horrible yada yada. Meet another guy optimistic again and the cycle repeats itself. When they are in their 60s they find themselves alone bitter AF.
Ladies you don't have to be someone lol. It's okay to be alone.
Ladies you don't have to be someone lol. It's okay to be alone.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 19:57
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:
- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)
- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men
- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety
And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.
I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.
I found him by:
1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).
2. Never reaching out to a man first.
3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.
4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.
5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.
To give you the numbers:
1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.
2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).
3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.
4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.
5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.
He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).
This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.
I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.
But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!
This! And check out the Burned Haystack Dating Method.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 19:12
Subject: Give me hope please
Separated means, in most cases, married but divorcing. Dating while separated is normal. Some people don't want to date separated people who are not yet divorced. Respect that personal decision. Most people don't feel that way. You can learn a lot about yourself and others by dating while you're separated, and you can have a lot of fun and good sex, which many people don't have in the last few years of a marriage that's falling apart.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 18:35
Subject: Give me hope please
Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:
- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)
- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men
- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety
And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.
I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.
I found him by:
1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).
2. Never reaching out to a man first.
3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.
4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.
5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.
To give you the numbers:
1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.
2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).
3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.
4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.
5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.
He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).
This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.
I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.
But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!
- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)
- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men
- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety
And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.
I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.
I found him by:
1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).
2. Never reaching out to a man first.
3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.
4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.
5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.
To give you the numbers:
1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.
2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).
3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.
4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.
5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.
He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).
This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.
I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.
But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:38
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Jesus. You’re not even divorced yet. Sounds like you have a LOT of work to do before you mess around with anyone else. Do it for your kids. They deserve a present mother and father, not idiots who are consumed with their romantic life.
Yes, it premature IMO.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:35
Subject: Give me hope please
I have heard nightmares about online dating, though of course it works for some.
I suggest you do things you enjoy (classes, hobbies, cause-based volunteer work, meetups focused on a common interest). You may meet a kindred soul that way. Or not, but at least will be having fun.
Also, share with people you trust that you are open to blind dates.
Good luck,
A fellow traveler
I suggest you do things you enjoy (classes, hobbies, cause-based volunteer work, meetups focused on a common interest). You may meet a kindred soul that way. Or not, but at least will be having fun.
Also, share with people you trust that you are open to blind dates.
Good luck,
A fellow traveler
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:21
Subject: Re:Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am video chatting with a a nerdy 33 year old lawyer who is alas leaving dc soon! I think I have a crush! Haha
So have some sex before he leaves!
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:15
Subject: Give me hope please
No. There isnt
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:13
Subject: Give me hope please
Anonymous wrote:Jesus. You’re not even divorced yet. Sounds like you have a LOT of work to do before you mess around with anyone else. Do it for your kids. They deserve a present mother and father, not idiots who are consumed with their romantic life.
This is such important advice, but it's not what OP wants to hear. Never mind that emotionally healthy, honorable men are looking for emotionally healthy, honorable women. For some women, any man will do, the quicker the better.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 17:08
Subject: Give me hope please
How do I connect with the sweaty engineer he sounds perfect for me. Not joking.