Anonymous wrote:OP here,

We aren't going to get past the grace thing on one of the holiest days of the year with some of our elderly family members. We just aren't.

I don't think we have enough counter space for that, and the logistics would mean the line going into and out of the kitchen would be through the same door. I just don't see how serving that many people off kitchen counters works in many houses.

We do grace before the first person goes through the buffet. If a person has mobility issues an able bodied person fills the mobility issues person’s plate for them and then goes back to fill their own plate. Parents tend to help the younger ones too.

Hi, OP. I just want to say that where there is a will, there is a way.

A cousin of mine lives in NYC. She has a teeny tiny apartment, maybe 400-450 square feet. She has one main room with the couch & 2 chairs, a small dining table and a really small galley kitchen. And she has a master bedroom. She regularly hosts seated buffet parties for up to 30 or 35.

She gets a neighbor to take the couch for the evening (!!!). Then literally she takes her queen bed apart and leans the mattresses up against a wall in the bedroom. She has had a curtain rod installed that she pulls curtains across. She sets up her buffet in the bedroom using her dresser and a couple of tables. Then she has small round tables with rented folding chairs in the main room. It works.

I don't know if I would go to all that effort but it is important to her and so she does. She is a dynamite cook and she makes everything herself. One time she even had a cellist playing. (It was lovely but I tell you honestly that sitting next to someone playing a cello makes it hard to talk to other people. I was practically sitting in that guys lap and the cello got very loud over time. I had a massive headache after that party.) Other than that one time we have had the most awesome experiences at her dinner parties.

Good luck, OP!

People take on the responsibilities that they want to take on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Why moms? Are dads not invited? I thought it was a “community” responsibility, and the way you’ve painted it is women’s work.

Try and pull that stick out from your butt. Everything is not a gender war. What kind of community and family do you belong to?

Yes, it is usually the moms of younger kids who will herd the kids together and make sure they all eat. Dads usually get the heavier job of setting up the chairs and tables, filling the coolers with ice and drinks and taking out the trash/recycling. They also organizing outdoor games and man the grill most times. Happy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Why moms? Are dads not invited? I thought it was a “community” responsibility, and the way you’ve painted it is women’s work.

Not PP, and I take your point. But it is more abrasive than it needs to be. In her social circle, the moms tend to get the food for the kids. That is likely true in a lot of social circles and families. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with that.

Maybe you would like to live in a world where we all just said "parent" all the time and never made the distinction. Maybe I would to. But that is an entirely different topic.

“Community responsibility” can’t exist without men also participating.

Sigh....it absolutely can. For example, that task can be carried out among the community of women.

Similarly, "community responsibilities" can be carried out be the youngest in the group, or the oldest, or the ones most skilled in that thing. Or the "Community responsibility" of "feeding the children and the elderly" can be carried out by the women feeding the children and the men feeding the elderly.

You believe in a community of women, don't you?

Why are you doing this on this thread, of all threads?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Why moms? Are dads not invited? I thought it was a “community” responsibility, and the way you’ve painted it is women’s work.

Not PP, and I take your point. But it is more abrasive than it needs to be. In her social circle, the moms tend to get the food for the kids. That is likely true in a lot of social circles and families. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with that.

Maybe you would like to live in a world where we all just said "parent" all the time and never made the distinction. Maybe I would to. But that is an entirely different topic.

“Community responsibility” can’t exist without men also participating.

You still put bread and salad maybe on the tables. Also wine, water, cranberry sauce, maybe even gravy (I would put both on the buffet as well).

Gather to say Grace before the buffet. Everyone with mobility problems is seated and people are assigned ahead of time to make their plates and then circle back for their own.

Nothing is that hot, and it’s okay. Also I think appetizers before are key if you do a buffet so no one is starving and frustrated.

Then we all go for a walk while a few people clean, then reset for dessert.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Why moms? Are dads not invited? I thought it was a “community” responsibility, and the way you’ve painted it is women’s work.

Not PP, and I take your point. But it is more abrasive than it needs to be. In her social circle, the moms tend to get the food for the kids. That is likely true in a lot of social circles and families. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with that.

Maybe you would like to live in a world where we all just said "parent" all the time and never made the distinction. Maybe I would to. But that is an entirely different topic.

Anonymous wrote:OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Why moms? Are dads not invited? I thought it was a “community” responsibility, and the way you’ve painted it is women’s work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a kitchen island, borrow two card tables from the neighbors. Bam: a kitchen island.

Most people who don’t have kitchens big enough for islands don’t have kitchens big enough to set up card tables in. Are you really that isolated from the middle class?

I don't understand the "lack of space" problem. The alternative to buffet style is that the host essentially walks through the kitchen as though it is a buffet making plates for people, right?

So just leave the food exactly where it would be for that to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a kitchen island, borrow two card tables from the neighbors. Bam: a kitchen island.

Most people who don’t have kitchens big enough for islands don’t have kitchens big enough to set up card tables in. Are you really that isolated from the middle class?

My MIL has a tiny kitchen and she puts two tables against the one empty wall for the buffet. Since most people are adults, we're able to manage the line. Great grandma obviously goes first, then the kids and then adults/teens. Those not actively getting food are in their seats. It doesn't take much time at all.

OP, we host a lot throughout the year and we have large number of people invited to any event. And we also do a lot of organized potluck meals. We almost always serve buffet style.

We mainly use chafing dishes to set food on islands or tables before the party starts so that we don't have to reheat. Refills are warmed in the oven and kept on a simmer. Appetizers are served in one area, entrees in another, desserts and drinks in yet another area - this keeps people from congregating in the same place. Elderly and kids go first and are served by able bodied adults. You can certainly have seperate seating areas for the comfort of kids and elderly when they are eating.

(In our social circle, it is common for a few moms to serve and feed all kids, in one place, at one time - before everyone else get to eat. Feeding children and elderly first is a community responsibility lol.) _

Another tip is that since we usually have a huge amount of extra food, there is never any danger of food running out. Which means that no one is jumping the line to get to food. We also keep a lot of tupperware (or disposable plastic containers) handy to pack leftovers. People who are interested in taking food home after the event can just pick up the disposable containers filled with food. This prevents the host from being stuck with lots of leftovers. It also gives most people a break from cooking the next day. Everything is taken care of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone mind please posting a link to the original thread this one is referring to. I’ve looked but I can’t find it and I am admittedly intrigued. Thanks!

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1014393.page

Thank you. I’ve never heard of anyone acting like this- very interesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a kitchen island, borrow two card tables from the neighbors. Bam: a kitchen island.

Most people who don’t have kitchens big enough for islands don’t have kitchens big enough to set up card tables in. Are you really that isolated from the middle class?

Hi, literal minded, unresourceful one: how about two card tables set up in the living room, or even a long hallway, pushed against a wall? Honestly, do you ever try to be creative or resourceful?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a kitchen island, borrow two card tables from the neighbors. Bam: a kitchen island.

Most people who don’t have kitchens big enough for islands don’t have kitchens big enough to set up card tables in. Are you really that isolated from the middle class?

Here’s what: if you don’t have space for 25 people then DON’T HOST 25 PEOPLE. And if you do, don’t come asking for suggestions and then shoot them all down because your house is small, etc. If there’s not enough space, oh well. Either don’t host so many, or don’t come whining for suggestions only to tell people they are “isolated from the middle class.” I grew up middle class in the Midwest and we didn’t have a kitchen island, but we we thought things through and made it work. One year, Grandma let the kids eat at the dining room table, and the adults were relegated to the unfinished basement to eat on a card table and tray tables.