Anonymous wrote:You paid for your daughters wedding in full, with no help from her in laws? And planning not to help at all with son’s? Everyone I know is going 50-50 on weddings these days, it’s so archaic and sexist otherwise. That would also solve your other problem — yes, it is unfair for your sons to get downpayment help and not your daughter.

+1
When my (then to be) future in-laws discovered my parents cash contribution to our wedding and start in life, they simply matched it. They are the sweetest folks in the world, it wasn't out of any sort of competitive thing, they simply didn't know "what normal Americans do" and we were married in the US. I was the bride and my parents are a bit old fashioned, so had expected to pay for the whole wedding. I too believe this is a stupid sexist tradition btw.

For my own kids, they will cover the costs themselves. I will make the tax "gift" contribution amount (14k or so). They get trusts at 37yo. They will need to wing it until then. Showing off to a bunch of folks by hosting a fancy wedding just isn't my thing. We don't place much emphasis on this in our family, so I doubt my kids will care much. One is a teen and shows no sign of caring about the perfect wedding or happily ever after stuff. Honestly, I just hope she marries and gives me some grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:We will give equal downpayment help unrelated to wedding expenses. If a son needed help with the wedding we would be happy to.

+1

We only have sons. We'll offer to pay half.

We will give equal downpayment help unrelated to wedding expenses. If a son needed help with the wedding we would be happy to.

You offer the same amount to both or else you’re no better than if you’d tell your daughter to stay home and pop out kids for the rest of her days because that’s her duty as a female.

JFC.

Equal for all children. Period.

I posted this last week.
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1010909.page

I have a son getting married in 2022 and am contributing about 40% plus the rehearsal dinner. I also plan to buy a pretty dress for myself!

We have $50k saved for each of our three children's weddings (2 girls and one boy).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My personal view of weddings has changed drastically since I was married (courthouse, small dinner after, all the money we could afford, never wished for more). Now, since covid, DD has a serious BF, we’ve traveled nowhere, haven’t seen long distance family friends, money’s done crazy well in the stock market during covid, my parents can’t get around as well, etc, etc. DD’s always dreamed of a destination wedding (ugh, I know). But a friend found a breath-takingly beautiful wedding venue near the Amalia Coast. We could rent the entire site, all lodging & food for 3 days, 2 nights. And pay travel expenses for family member who needed it. If this is something DD wants, I’ve come around to thinking, “what a great idea,”

But you didn't answer the question. Who pays?

We pay (DD’s parents)! Just don’t feel this event should be instead of a downpayment for DD.

I feel the same way. The wedding is more for the parents, an excuse to throw a nice party and get people together, so I wouldn’t count it as giving money to daughter. I will equally contribute to my son and daughters down payment. It’s a separate item. If son needed help with a wedding I would contribute too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My personal view of weddings has changed drastically since I was married (courthouse, small dinner after, all the money we could afford, never wished for more). Now, since covid, DD has a serious BF, we’ve traveled nowhere, haven’t seen long distance family friends, money’s done crazy well in the stock market during covid, my parents can’t get around as well, etc, etc. DD’s always dreamed of a destination wedding (ugh, I know). But a friend found a breath-takingly beautiful wedding venue near the Amalia Coast. We could rent the entire site, all lodging & food for 3 days, 2 nights. And pay travel expenses for family member who needed it. If this is something DD wants, I’ve come around to thinking, “what a great idea,”

But you didn't answer the question. Who pays?

We pay (DD’s parents)! Just don’t feel this event should be instead of a downpayment for DD.

Lucky girl.

Anonymous wrote:Most recent surveys show that the groom's parents still run a distant third when it comes to paying for weddings. It's far more likely to be either the bride's parents, the couple themselves, or a combination of those two paying for the bulk of the wedding.

And people wonder why the man’s parents always take second fiddle to the woman’s! I think it starts by how distant they are during wedding planning and how they choose to pay for daughters and not sons weddings.

Most recent surveys show that the groom's parents still run a distant third when it comes to paying for weddings. It's far more likely to be either the bride's parents, the couple themselves, or a combination of those two paying for the bulk of the wedding.

I absolutely think you should offer the same amounts for sons and daughters. It used to be that you paid sons college and daughters wedding. But now women go to college. I plan on giving my kids the same amount (2 girls, 1 boy). I was a bit upset that my in-laws gave us nothing for our wedding (just a rehearsal dinner which came to $250) but paid their daughters in full.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My personal view of weddings has changed drastically since I was married (courthouse, small dinner after, all the money we could afford, never wished for more). Now, since covid, DD has a serious BF, we’ve traveled nowhere, haven’t seen long distance family friends, money’s done crazy well in the stock market during covid, my parents can’t get around as well, etc, etc. DD’s always dreamed of a destination wedding (ugh, I know). But a friend found a breath-takingly beautiful wedding venue near the Amalia Coast. We could rent the entire site, all lodging & food for 3 days, 2 nights. And pay travel expenses for family member who needed it. If this is something DD wants, I’ve come around to thinking, “what a great idea,”

But you didn't answer the question. Who pays?

We pay (DD’s parents)! Just don’t feel this event should be instead of a downpayment for DD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You paid for your daughters wedding in full, with no help from her in laws? And planning not to help at all with son’s? Everyone I know is going 50-50 on weddings these days, it’s so archaic and sexist otherwise. That would also solve your other problem — yes, it is unfair for your sons to get downpayment help and not your daughter.

Your social circle must be small. This is not the norm, even today.

What’s the norm?

You need at least 5 dots to make a circle.