Anonymous wrote:Playing off the popular thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1001660.page

For all of you parents with popular Kindergarteners, here is the other side. For those with popular kids it seems like balance and EQ makes someone like able, then there is my kid who lives on the EXTREME.,

My kid is the weird kid. Very smart, creative, very specific interests - either absurdly complex imaginative play or math/science- take your pick. Either VERY bossy, or Extremely Shy depending on comfort level with other kids. EQ: just doesn’t give a f@&k or not great at assessing who is a friend or not. Instantly dislikes kids, loses interest pretty quick or gets obsessed. Says all the wrong things. (We checked for ASD, it’s just DDs personality…)

hygiene is hit or miss, usually miss - messy hair, uncoordinated outfits, may or may not have bathed/brushed teeth (after fighting with parents). Could be pretty, but is chubby and it all sits on the face. Extremely picky about EVERYTHING - too hot, too cold, too loud, not enough x…even going to the playground is no easy feat.

I’ve lost so many mom friends because DD is the weird kid. But, that’s not what I’m worried about - it’s the Queen Bees who will torture her in a few years that terrify me.

My son has alot of these traits and I was told it wasn't ASD too (but didn't get a full neuropsych eval until he was 11...and he's ASD + bipolar). You should seek more help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sounds like you're enabling her anti-social behavior by dismissing her as the "weird kid," instead of taking the responsibility to help her.

She acts this way because you've allowed it to go on for so long.

Even if she has a diagnosis, she still needs your help to learn how to at least function in a normal social setting.

If she's NT, then it's just regular parenting... Buy some books on how to be kind, how to be a good friend, etc. Coach her on playdates if you have to. Ask her what she thinks and figure out why she is acting this way.

+1. You can't let her stay feral. Teach her to be a nice person. Teach her hygiene. Teach her to get along in the world. If you can't, then get help.

It sounds like your daughter really needs help, OP. And what is it like for the other kids when she's bossy, takes an instant dislike to someone, is picky about everything, etc? You're losing mom friends because your daughter isn't treating other children well.

In Kindergarten kids are still pretty tolerant of eccentricity and the teachers can make them spend time together, but it's not going to be that way forever. Girls' social relationships become a lot more complex in middle elementary school, and if your daughter is struggling with basics of social interaction now, she's going to have a tough time. It's not like learning to interpret other people's behavior is going to make her creativity magically vanish, OP. She'll probably have even more confidence because she'll be socially capable and not bewildered by the behavior of others. I hope you can help your daughter. I've seen what happens when this is allowed to go on, and it's sad. Even if there isn't bullying, children with poor social skills end up isolated because they don't have the social skills to maintain friendships and participate in activities that older children like to do. I really hope you can help your daughter be her wonderful self but also gain some social skills.

At this age you should be the one attending to hygiene, hair and clothing selections. The other mothers are. You can’t blame your kid for your missteps.

Anonymous wrote:It's sounds like you're enabling her anti-social behavior by dismissing her as the "weird kid," instead of taking the responsibility to help her.

She acts this way because you've allowed it to go on for so long.

Even if she has a diagnosis, she still needs your help to learn how to at least function in a normal social setting.

If she's NT, then it's just regular parenting... Buy some books on how to be kind, how to be a good friend, etc. Coach her on playdates if you have to. Ask her what she thinks and figure out why she is acting this way.

+1. You can't let her stay feral. Teach her to be a nice person. Teach her hygiene. Teach her to get along in the world. If you can't, then get help.

It's sounds like you're enabling her anti-social behavior by dismissing her as the "weird kid," instead of taking the responsibility to help her.

She acts this way because you've allowed it to go on for so long.

Even if she has a diagnosis, she still needs your help to learn how to at least function in a normal social setting.

If she's NT, then it's just regular parenting... Buy some books on how to be kind, how to be a good friend, etc. Coach her on playdates if you have to. Ask her what she thinks and figure out why she is acting this way.

NP with ADHD myself, and I concur-- your kid is neurodivergent in some way. And that's great! It's a neutral thing in the net, because there are some awesome aspect to it, but it does present some challenges. You'll do better to understand how to work with sensory and executive functioning issues (I'm sure surrounding hygiene stuff-- I have/had this myself) than to do some Supernanny BS. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything for my 5 year old including bathing, brushing teeth and hair, and dressing him. He's not mature enough to do these things on his own.

Have you tried? My 2 year old can wash herself and dress herself. The 5 year old can pretty much everything as long ad she can reach things. I just remind and supervise. Maybe give him some control over his routines?

Kid has 2 speeds slow and stop. Its easier for me to help him.

My 6 year old is like that and it's super annoying. That said, when he WANTS something, he can easily dress/bathe etc. himself - he just doesn't feel like doing it so it's a battle - so we try to turn it into a game or a race. E.g., they get 10 minutes of screen time in the morning before school but must be dressed with teeth brushed before they get it (neither kid gets screen time until both kids are ready so they motivate each other), we have timed showers to see how fast he can do them (I supervise to make sure he gets all his body parts) etc. Wiping his own butt is the biggest battle because he's squeamish about it.

Back on topic, I think all young kids, especially 4-8 year old boys, are weird!

You're completely failing your kid OP. She has awesome qualities about her (I would love to not give an eff what other people think). But when you're at the point of letting her hygiene go because she fights you so hard on it, something is off. You can't let your kid's teeth decay and fall out. You can't let her be the messy, rude, and dirty kid because it isn't fair to her. Stop thinking this is cute and that everyone else is the problem. Get her evaluated and get her help. Do the right thing for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do everything for my 5 year old including bathing, brushing teeth and hair, and dressing him. He's not mature enough to do these things on his own.

Have you tried? My 2 year old can wash herself and dress herself. The 5 year old can pretty much everything as long ad she can reach things. I just remind and supervise. Maybe give him some control over his routines?

Kid has 2 speeds slow and stop. Its easier for me to help him.

Don’t let your kids be the stinky kid please

My 8 year old DS is the "quirky kid". He has ADHD and is on the spectrum. I make sure that he matches, is clean, wears "cool" clothes and shoes, etc., because that is what I can control to keep him from being an outcast. I try to promote his interest in things I know his peers like (Minecraft, for instance) so that he had something to talk to them about. It isn't much, but it is something that I can do.

I know that we can't change our kids personalities. But I also know that we live in a society where people are judged based on their appearance.

Why aren't you at least making sure your kid is clean? I know its hard--my son hates the shower sometimes--but some things aren't up for negotiation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you checked for asd, but does she have a psychologist? It seems like you are conflating some quirky behaviors with some serious anxiety and/or defiance disorders.

I agree. If at 5, your kid won't do basic things like brush hair and brush teeth, I can't imagine what it will be like she when is older and physically forcing her is not possible. I would get this under control ASAP. You can be weird and quirky but non compliant is next level.

OP, what kind of testing did you do for ASD? I could have written the exact same thing for my daughter at 5 and she was diagnosed with ASD. Was it ADOS or just a professional giving you their opinion? Kids like mine often fall through the cracks, especially if they are female. Females often present differently than boys with ASD.

Sounds like a sensory disorder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playing off the popular thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1001660.page

For all of you parents with popular Kindergarteners, here is the other side. For those with popular kids it seems like balance and EQ makes someone like able, then there is my kid who lives on the EXTREME.,

My kid is the weird kid. Very smart, creative, very specific interests - either absurdly complex imaginative play or math/science- take your pick. Either VERY bossy, or Extremely Shy depending on comfort level with other kids. EQ: just doesn’t give a f@&k or not great at assessing who is a friend or not. Instantly dislikes kids, loses interest pretty quick or gets obsessed. Says all the wrong things. (We checked for ASD, it’s just DDs personality…)

hygiene is hit or miss, usually miss - messy hair, uncoordinated outfits, may or may not have bathed/brushed teeth (after fighting with parents). Could be pretty, but is chubby and it all sits on the face. Extremely picky about EVERYTHING - too hot, too cold, too loud, not enough x…even going to the playground is no easy feat.

I’ve lost so many mom friends because DD is the weird kid. But, that’s not what I’m worried about - it’s the Queen Bees who will torture her in a few years that terrify me.

OP, I say this with caring and the hope that you’ll get help.

Your kid isn’t the “weird” or “quirky” one at this point. She’s the dirty kid who says rude things and whose parents think it’s cute.

It’s not cute. That’s why you’re losing “mom friends,” and it’s certain to affect your child.

Assessments and help for the kid, parenting classes for you.

You can turn this around.

+1

It's concerning that she's already bossy and rude to other kids. Please focus on her behavior before you worry that other kids will "torture" her.

Anonymous wrote:Playing off the popular thread: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1001660.page

For all of you parents with popular Kindergarteners, here is the other side. For those with popular kids it seems like balance and EQ makes someone like able, then there is my kid who lives on the EXTREME.,

My kid is the weird kid. Very smart, creative, very specific interests - either absurdly complex imaginative play or math/science- take your pick. Either VERY bossy, or Extremely Shy depending on comfort level with other kids. EQ: just doesn’t give a f@&k or not great at assessing who is a friend or not. Instantly dislikes kids, loses interest pretty quick or gets obsessed. Says all the wrong things. (We checked for ASD, it’s just DDs personality…)

hygiene is hit or miss, usually miss - messy hair, uncoordinated outfits, may or may not have bathed/brushed teeth (after fighting with parents). Could be pretty, but is chubby and it all sits on the face. Extremely picky about EVERYTHING - too hot, too cold, too loud, not enough x…even going to the playground is no easy feat.

I’ve lost so many mom friends because DD is the weird kid. But, that’s not what I’m worried about - it’s the Queen Bees who will torture her in a few years that terrify me.

OP, I say this with caring and the hope that you’ll get help.

Your kid isn’t the “weird” or “quirky” one at this point. She’s the dirty kid who says rude things and whose parents think it’s cute.

It’s not cute. That’s why you’re losing “mom friends,” and it’s certain to affect your child.

Assessments and help for the kid, parenting classes for you.

You can turn this around.