Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I still think OP sounds like a jerk, but some devil’s advocacy: DH has a company. A lot of the value of the company, to his investors, is that he’s running it and they trust him. If we got divorced and suddenly I owned half his share, the company would be worth less to his investors because they don’t trust ME. It would be reasonable, if we got divorced, to structure any settlement so that I didn’t get his share of the company. Is it possible that’s the kind of thing OP is talking about and just coming off baby because he’s a moron?

It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him.

By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is.

OP here. She didn’t want to sign the prenup because she wanted access to my money, not my business. I helped her a lot with paying off all her debt, buying her a new car, buying the house she wanted over my preference, etc. I loved her but I know she loved my money more. I still let her keep the new car, her ring, and never asked for the money that I paid down her debt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your best option is to go back your exgirlfriend. As you can see the idea of being a SAHM with a prenup would make most women uneasy for good reason.

You said you loved her and you thought she was the one. You even lived together for a year. The only issue was the prenup. Why not buy a ring, tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. This is what you should have done from the beginning.

(BTW you say you want the type of relationship your parents had. Did they have a prenup? Probably not. It changes the dynamic completely.)

OP here. I did buy her a ring and ask her to marry me. We dated for 1.5 years ( lives together for 6 months) and I then I bought her a very nice ring she wanted. I still let her keep the ring even though it was very expensive.

My parents did have a prenup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, I get that your ideal is what your dad did (work a lot when the kids are little and then have more free time later) but consider that that’s probably what he HAD to do and not a intentional lifestyle choice. My H works a lot right now in the hopes of being able to semi-retire in 5 years or so, but if he could scale back now without a big hit he totally would. Our oldest is in second grade, our youngest is due in January, and these are all ages where they need and adore time with their parents. Older kids are a lot less work and a lot more fun to hang out with, but I promise you your imaginary SAHW is going to resent you choosing to work a million hours when she’d love you to run around in the yard with the toddlers after dinner so she can put her feet up for a second, then swooping in time do the fun stuff years later when she actually has the energy for it.

OP here. I will be involved. Most women are the default parent, but that doesn’t mean their husbands aren’t involved. I will be involved. I regularly babysit my nephew when my brother comes into town. I will be involved by I won’t be there 24/7.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question - why have kids if you don't really want anything to do with them?

If you want to be hands-off and continue working 80 hour weeks, just stay a bachelor and become an awesome uncle.

It's not okay to bring children into this world if you're not totally invested in it. And I don't mean financially - children would rather have an involved parent than college tuition or a car.

OP here. I want kids and will be involved. I’m not much of a baby person, and I don’t think many men are. I want to work as much as I can and have my family set for life so when they get schools aged, I’m able to be more invested in their life.

What if your wife dies or becomes seriously ill during the early years? Are you just going to hand the kids over to nannies then because you don't like babies?

It’s a hard knock life. What if Yellowstone erupts and we all die within seconds? What if Trump wins and we never have a free and fair election again because he wants to extend presidential terms a la Vlad?

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

Anonymous wrote:You aren't offering a good deal, OP. It's unclear exactly why, but it's pretty clear that your offer is unattractive. So you need to figure out how to make it an attractive deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

it seems like most of the responses here are from the typical DCUM demographics and that is not what you are looking for. The women who want to be SAHM are most likely not on a forum like DCUM. but there are plenty of such women out there. I was in a similar situation as you, just 3-4 years younger. I found the right person, who was well educated, masters degree, spoke 5 languages, had a solid career but wanted to be SAHM. We are almost at the 12 yr mark. Two happy kids. Now my wife does work a few hours a week - doing some basic administrative work for our businesses but is by no means driven by career etc. She does bulk of the household chores (90-95%) although when it comes to kids stuff I think I am putting in 30-50% depending on the week. Especially things like homework, afterschool activities, going to park playing etc. I love to do that and its time my wife takes a break.

You need to do this: be very upfront with what you are looking for when you date. Not necessarily first date conversation but definitely bring it up very early in relationship. If you are dating online, include information about what you are looking for in your profile. don't be afraid to put it out there, it will weed out the ones who are not compatible with your point of view but it will likely attract others who are looking for something similar. It might help to work with professional matchmakers who work one-on-one with prospects. The individual matchmakers can have the difficult conversations that you will be uncomfortable with. That will help to bypass the women who have different expectations than yours.

Finally, have a reasonable prenup. Not what you think its reasonable for you but what is reasonable for someone who is going to give up a lot and be dependent on you.

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, I get that your ideal is what your dad did (work a lot when the kids are little and then have more free time later) but consider that that’s probably what he HAD to do and not a intentional lifestyle choice. My H works a lot right now in the hopes of being able to semi-retire in 5 years or so, but if he could scale back now without a big hit he totally would. Our oldest is in second grade, our youngest is due in January, and these are all ages where they need and adore time with their parents. Older kids are a lot less work and a lot more fun to hang out with, but I promise you your imaginary SAHW is going to resent you choosing to work a million hours when she’d love you to run around in the yard with the toddlers after dinner so she can put her feet up for a second, then swooping in time do the fun stuff years later when she actually has the energy for it.