Anonymous
04/23/2020 20:09
Subject: Married but living apart?
Anonymous wrote:Get rid of this man. Find a man who wants to build a life with you, and value your values! Life is short.
This.
Anonymous
04/23/2020 20:08
Subject: Married but living apart?
Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you are married? This sounds awfully familiar for the non-married poster who has a bigger house and who’s boyfriend doesn’t want to sell his
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/849956.page
I was thinking the same!
Anonymous
04/23/2020 20:06
Subject: Re:Married but living apart?
OP, what was the original plan?
Meaning did he tell you that living apart after marriage would be a temporary thing?
Then did he change his mind later on??
Or did you know from the get go that this is how it was going to be - then later on, changed your mind.
Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea of your situation.
Meaning did he tell you that living apart after marriage would be a temporary thing?
Then did he change his mind later on??
Or did you know from the get go that this is how it was going to be - then later on, changed your mind.
Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea of your situation.
Anonymous
04/23/2020 19:45
Subject: Married but living apart?
Are you sure you are married? This sounds awfully familiar for the non-married poster who has a bigger house and who’s boyfriend doesn’t want to sell his
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/849956.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/849956.page
Anonymous
04/23/2020 19:44
Subject: Married but living apart?
How old are your kids, OP? My guess is that even if he really likes your kids, he does not want to live full-time with them. That might hurt but it's fair. He may not want to say this explicitly because it is very hurtful, but consider the possibility that this is the reason. Does that change anything for you?
Rather than blame him for not wanting what you want, I think you just have to be really honest with yourself first and foremost about what you really want and need. If it's to live under the same roof with someone, then this person is not a good fit and he's made his intentions clear at this point. He's no more to blame than you for wanting what he wants. This works for him. If it doesn't work for you, that's not his fault, that means you end this amicably and move on to find someone whose ideal matches yours.
Some people could never live apart together, others would find it ideal.
Is he attentive to your needs otherwise? Do you feel you have enough sex, enough talking? If not, could you be specific and ask, can we do x, y, and z? Without blaming him or saying he's wrong, just ask for what you want? In other words, is there any way besides living together that you can feel connected enough, loved enough? If the answer is no, you two are not suited. Honestly, it is strange that you'd be in it this long and somehow expected him to read your mind and want what you want.
Rather than blame him for not wanting what you want, I think you just have to be really honest with yourself first and foremost about what you really want and need. If it's to live under the same roof with someone, then this person is not a good fit and he's made his intentions clear at this point. He's no more to blame than you for wanting what he wants. This works for him. If it doesn't work for you, that's not his fault, that means you end this amicably and move on to find someone whose ideal matches yours.
Some people could never live apart together, others would find it ideal.
Is he attentive to your needs otherwise? Do you feel you have enough sex, enough talking? If not, could you be specific and ask, can we do x, y, and z? Without blaming him or saying he's wrong, just ask for what you want? In other words, is there any way besides living together that you can feel connected enough, loved enough? If the answer is no, you two are not suited. Honestly, it is strange that you'd be in it this long and somehow expected him to read your mind and want what you want.
Anonymous
04/23/2020 19:26
Subject: Re:Married but living apart?
When are you having sex?
Does he spend the night sometimes?
Does he spend the night sometimes?
Anonymous
04/23/2020 19:22
Subject: Married but living apart?
No. The kids should all have their own spaces but preferably under one roof. I am fine with him maintaining ownership of his house if that’s what he feels is best but in that case I would want to work on making the house work for all of us OR renting out his house and moving into mine. And yes if we were to go from 2 houses to 1 then both of us would have to give up some stuff! He has a lot more stuff than I do and deep attachments to his things so this is what I don’t think will change once kids are no longer in the picture.
We did discuss the arrangements before getting married and I was under the impression that we would figure out how to get under one roof. Of course there should have been a more concrete plan. I get that!!!
So...it is logistically impractical to move with your DCs into his house? Is it even the same school district? While you are saying your goal is to live under one roof and your fine with him keeping his house. You want him to move out of his house and not have step-DCs be able to go back from college to their childhood home. I can see why it doesn’t want to move.