"In the United States and Canada, at least 40 percent of all marriages fail. But the statistics for marriages involving a person who has bipolar disorder are especially sobering—an estimated 90 percent of these end in divorce, according to a November 2003 article, “Managing Bipolar Disorder,” in Psychology Today.Feb 8, 2007

Anonymous wrote:

Guerita32 wrote:You guys are assholes.

I just read this. This woman had everything to live for. Bipolar + drinking did her in: http://deadspin.com/the-writer-who-was-too-strong-to-live-1785661187

PP that was such a sad read!

Guerita32 wrote:You guys are assholes.

4 hospitalizations over 12 years, multiple skipping of her meds which triggered the mania, weeks and eventually months of depression at a time, and finally she committed suicide. It's uhhh ... tough might be a good word, being married to someone with this disease.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't get me going on this thread. It hits too close to home. The irony is how my ex-husband now sees the damage he has caused and wants to make amends and reconcile with us. He wants to apologize so he can can move on with his life. We are not ready for an apology. Twelve years: three major manic episodes, chronic depression. alcoholism, lying, cheating, abuse, unemployment.

Did he get medicated/ therapy, PP?

Medication - mode stabilizer and anti-depressants; did not take his meds properly; went off mood stabilizer to increase the high of the mania; did not sleep, which prolonged the mania; drank, which negates the meds

Therapy - physchiatist and psycho-therapist

That is the trifecta of what not to do with bipolar. Step one of treating bipolar is being committed to recovery. That means, if you have problems taking a pill three times a day, you set an alarm, or get a pill container with the days of the week on it. Not taking meds is not an option. Not sleeping is known to make mania worse. And so is drinking.

Bottom line, it sounds like he hasn't committed to recovery. Maybe he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, or maybe AA meetings would help. I'm bipolar and I think the people who long for mania are nuts. Personally I would give anything to go back in time and undo things I did while manic.

Me again. My ex-DH attended AA and did group therapy as well. I had to leave him the first time to demonstrate consequences of his actions. Took him back again and then he relapsed again for a third time. He spent six weeks in a mental health and addictions centre but I was done. Please note this is only my experience with a bipolar spouse.

I just found the other thread: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/588837.page

That OP is Bipolar 2, which is nothing like classic bipolar. Bipolar 2 responds better to treatment, and rarely has the delusions and hallucinations that can come with Bipolar 1. Even the mania manifests differently often, as OCD or anxiety with racing thoughts rather than what we think of as bipolar manias.

Guerita32 wrote:You guys are assholes.

What kinds of responses would you like to see? The ones where people tell the OP, after 10 years, to devote the rest of her life to supporting her mentally-ill spouse regardless of how hard, painful, traumatic, and destructive that life is?

Or the ones where we tell her to buck up, because of course it will get better.

I just read this. This woman had everything to live for. Bipolar + drinking did her in: http://deadspin.com/the-writer-who-was-too-strong-to-live-1785661187

I have a physical disability.
My DH has schizophrenia.
This thread is NOT ableist; we recognize that our illnesses require extra work from our partner and would never begrudge the other running out of steam.

OP, the biggest thing that jumps out to me is him going off his meds. That's very common and also very destructive. I want to encourage you to have a separation at this point. You need to remember what life feels like when you aren't shouldering someone else's illness.

And if he wants to get better and make your family work, he has to commit to doing what the doctors tell him to do, he can't make changes on his own. That's something he has to prove to you before you can think about him living in the family home again. It is too destructive otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't get me going on this thread. It hits too close to home. The irony is how my ex-husband now sees the damage he has caused and wants to make amends and reconcile with us. He wants to apologize so he can can move on with his life. We are not ready for an apology. Twelve years: three major manic episodes, chronic depression. alcoholism, lying, cheating, abuse, unemployment.

Did he get medicated/ therapy, PP?

Medication - mode stabilizer and anti-depressants; did not take his meds properly; went off mood stabilizer to increase the high of the mania; did not sleep, which prolonged the mania; drank, which negates the meds

Therapy - physchiatist and psycho-therapist

That is the trifecta of what not to do with bipolar. Step one of treating bipolar is being committed to recovery. That means, if you have problems taking a pill three times a day, you set an alarm, or get a pill container with the days of the week on it. Not taking meds is not an option. Not sleeping is known to make mania worse. And so is drinking.

Bottom line, it sounds like he hasn't committed to recovery. Maybe he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, or maybe AA meetings would help. I'm bipolar and I think the people who long for mania are nuts. Personally I would give anything to go back in time and undo things I did while manic.

I am the ex of a bipolar spouse. My DC has developed issues that relate to bipolar. I can see both sides of previous PPs -- both the ableist view and the run far away view.

Bipolar depression has a very wide range. BP Type 1 often includes extreme mania, delusion or paranoia that can wreck lives if untreated or self-medicated thru substance abuse. BP 2 is a more mild form with hypomania and depression.

My ex has BP 2 and is highly functional -- employed, successful, if not always a smooth work life. At home hypomania and depression, untreated and incorrectly treated, wrecked our life to such an extent that the marriage could not be saved.

Now, after getting properly diagnosed and on the right medication combination, life is much better for him.

His mother was diagnosed BP late in life. Sadly, a life of untreated BP led her to substance abuse. She was lucky to have a husband that stayed with her and cared for her, but it was a difficult situation and cost her DH a lot, both financially and emotionally and in terms of his own lost personal opportunities.

My DC is also on the bipolar spectrum. An absolutely wonderful and extremely bright kid. Very easy kid to raise. So far, DC's issues can be managed without medication but with other forms of therapy. I am hopeful that DC will have a very successful normal life, having had access to early treatment, lots of education about MI and lots of support in staying away from substance use/abuse and establishing regular sleep/eat/social habits.

Here are some resources - NAMI Family to Family class, bpso.org website and listserv, NAMI support groups for family members, books by Kay Redfield Jamison, Francis Mondimore, David Miklowitz, Ellen Liebenluft and Xavier Amador

You guys are assholes.

My MIL had bipolar disorder, which was diagnosed when my DH was an older teen. FIL was very devoted, and by the end of her life (last week), he had pretty much devoted himself to taking care of her health. She was finally managing her mental health with medication, but that revealed physical issues that needed even more care.

I actually have a very good relationship with DH's family, but the relationship that suffered the most was between DH and FIL. In the last year or so, almost every one of their communications was FIL telling DH how MIL was doing. Very little about any other part of their lives (although his emails always ended with "Give [DS] a hug for me"). Since MIL's passing, they've talked about strengthening their relationship.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is beyond ableist.

Had to look up that word. No.

This thread is beyond ableist.

Anonymous wrote:There wasatgread recently about someone asking when they should tell a date about their bipolar. Basically everyone said that they wouldn't date/marry/be in a relationship with someone with bipolar (again). See if you can find it. You aren't alone.

This. Bipolar marriages do not work. I'm a child of a bipolar father. It was a disaster, he was a disaster , he made a disaster of our family.

This is why i would not marry someone with such issues themselves or in their families. Too much baggage. Sorry but i have to watchout for my future kids first.