OP - Does your DH give this employee Performance Evaluations?

First - consult a labor lawyer. Then put the warning in writing - give her two weeks, whatever. Detail what the conduct is that is unprofessional. Then hire me (); then fire her. She a powder keg.

Your DH is no paragon of professionalism if he's sharing all these details with you. He also apparently isn't much of a manager if he is stumped around how to handle this non problem.

Very simple. If she does a good job, leave her alone. When she does something inappropriate in the office, address that single issue. Swearing at a colleague? Throwing a fit? Deal with her behavior only. Write her up if it's egregious. Speak to her and tell her she is out of line and if she does it again, she'll be written up.

The raise issue is easy. The answer is no. If she threatens to get a new job, wish her well. But stop this nonsense around diagnosing her with disorders or considering her personal life. That doesn't matter in the workplace. The only thing that matters is getting the job done and done well.

If she is being "toxic" and impeding the work in the office, then document, hope you have good judgment about actual fireable offenses, and go through with it.

Anonymous wrote:I would outline specifically what I would want her to do to earn the next pay increase. I would speak at length about my expectations regarding supporting team morale, treating others with respect, and working well with others. If she is very achievement oriented, this will provide an incentive for her to shape up.

No interest in trying to get all the other employees to work harder?

I would outline specifically what I would want her to do to earn the next pay increase. I would speak at length about my expectations regarding supporting team morale, treating others with respect, and working well with others. If she is very achievement oriented, this will provide an incentive for her to shape up.

I would have fired her for yelling at another employee, but not for the "disappointed" remark.

FIRE - immediately. A toxic person is death to a company.

This is frustrating, I wish a psych test could be given before employment, you wouldn't believe the amount of people who interview well but flip out in the near future. A registrar of crazies would be nicer

Therapist here. Actually she does kind of sound like a borderline personality disorder, especially the parts about not being able to keep a job and not being able to maintain stable relationships and what you mentioned about how she handles perceived criticisms. That doesn't excuse the bad behavior. If your husband thinks she is worth keeping around because of the quality of her work, he needs to set limits with her as far as her interactions with him and others, focusing on specific behaviors and maybe even having a behavior contract with her. Then again, as someone who is self-employed, maybe this is too much trouble to go to for someone who can be replaced. People with BPD can be very high functioning and successful in work but usually not so much in terms of relating to others and can be very exhausting for the people around them.

Interesting. I think my coworkers might describe me in terms similar to the employee in question (although I don't use expletives in the workplace and would never be insubordinate/talk back to my boss). I am unquestionably harder working and work longer hours than my same level peers, and it really grates on me. When I had a chance to be promoted but lost it because one of my peers told the department head that I could be "abrasive," I realized that I could either work solo as a consultant, or change my behavior.

The result? I am polite and cordial to all, vent to friends outside the workplace about all the slackers and slack off a bit more myself.

When you have to ask yourself, espcially more than once, the person is toxic and needs to go. You are probably not hearing the full extent of how difficult she is making the job for the others in the office. Irreplaceable? Yes, I guess your are stuck with her. No, say goodbye.

show her this and let her know that she is lucky to be employed past her prime age

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/277007.page

I worked with someone like that as well, she was eventually fired, was a good worker as far as the job duties but lost her temper over and over and took things way too personally. She started yelling at people over the smallest things and yelled at the boss once for leaving the door open, lol. She became toxic, and had to go. She was indeed a hard worker and cared (uh, maybe too much) about her job, and should have just done her job and relaaaxed a bit, she would have been fine then.

NP here. We have had problem employees before. We have not had to get rid of many (just one or two), but when there is someone TOXIC in the work environment, they have to go. Sorry you are going through this, OP. It is not easy for anyone.