Other than one relative who lives five hours away here in the U.S., all our family is in a European country. We are close to them, closer than to the one U.S. relative (we love her but just have little in common and our schedules don't mesh other than maybe two visits a year).

But OP, we have never had issues with support or babysitting like you seem to feel you have. We have some very close friends, emotionally closer than a lot of family, here where we live, so we've never missed having familhy around for the tasks you want from your family. We adore our family who are overseas but would never resent the fact they're not here or we're not there, for purposes of babysitting or other help. If we lived over there in their country we would still not have expected the in-laws, either MIL/FIL or others, to provide the level of help you seem to feel you're owed.

OP, please try to cultivate real friendships where you are NOW and stop expecting you should have family around to do things for or with you. The time and energy you are expending on wishing and resenting are time and energy you could spend on volunteering at kids' schools; joining a church/synagogue/mosque/whatever if you are so inclined, and getting involved there; joining playgroups and other places you can meet people. But please do so with your mind on actual friendships, NOT on "I'm going to find a babysitter this way!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Australia, DH is deployed. I see my family once a year when they fly here for a month. We enjoy our time together; they are involved grandparents even from afar. ILs live one hour flight away and are not involved albeit "send us the pictures".

Just let this die already! Your kids are your responsibility not your in laws. They don’t want to be bothered if you need help hire help. They’re not obligated to take an hour flight to come help you!!

Wow. You must be in deep internal turmoil.

+1

No kidding. Wow!

DP - Do you all not realize the PP has her own thread about her unhelpful ILs who won't get on a plane at the drop of a hat so PP can get a haircut? Her expectations are wildly inappropriate.

Link to that thread please? Thanks.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1115989.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Australia, DH is deployed. I see my family once a year when they fly here for a month. We enjoy our time together; they are involved grandparents even from afar. ILs live one hour flight away and are not involved albeit "send us the pictures".

Just let this die already! Your kids are your responsibility not your in laws. They don’t want to be bothered if you need help hire help. They’re not obligated to take an hour flight to come help you!!

Wow. You must be in deep internal turmoil.

+1

No kidding. Wow!

DP - Do you all not realize the PP has her own thread about her unhelpful ILs who won't get on a plane at the drop of a hat so PP can get a haircut? Her expectations are wildly inappropriate.

Link to that thread please? Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Australia, DH is deployed. I see my family once a year when they fly here for a month. We enjoy our time together; they are involved grandparents even from afar. ILs live one hour flight away and are not involved albeit "send us the pictures".

Just let this die already! Your kids are your responsibility not your in laws. They don’t want to be bothered if you need help hire help. They’re not obligated to take an hour flight to come help you!!

Wow. You must be in deep internal turmoil.

+1

No kidding. Wow!

DP - Do you all not realize the PP has her own thread about her unhelpful ILs who won't get on a plane at the drop of a hat so PP can get a haircut? Her expectations are wildly inappropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Australia, DH is deployed. I see my family once a year when they fly here for a month. We enjoy our time together; they are involved grandparents even from afar. ILs live one hour flight away and are not involved albeit "send us the pictures".

Just let this die already! Your kids are your responsibility not your in laws. They don’t want to be bothered if you need help hire help. They’re not obligated to take an hour flight to come help you!!

Wow. You must be in deep internal turmoil.

+1

No kidding. Wow!

I am not jealous. I didn't come from a large family with relatives always around, and nor did my spouse, so we don't really miss it.

My in-laws are loving/warm and helpful, as much as their health allows.

When things were tough - we had a nanny every day from 3.30 to 6.30. Expensive but there was no choice. Once or twice we flew one set of parents out if we both had to travel at the same time. Looking back (my kids are older now) it was very hard when the kids were young. The post-covid flexibility younger people enjoy now would have been nice.

Anonymous wrote:Are you jealous of people who have family close by, especially if they are helpful (with your kids - when they were young, or if they are now young)?

Are your in laws loving/warm/helpful?

How did you get by when things are tough (ie: support or babysitting, etc.)?

Your children are your responsibility not your family's. If you need help, pay a babysitter.

My family is in Europe and the kids and I spend a month there every summer. They’re not particularly helpful when we are there, but I do wish we lived in the same town so they could come to sports games and birthdays and just hang out.
My in laws are in Richmond and busy with their other grandkids, we see them for one weekend every year.

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Europe. I and the kids (5,8 and 10) spend every summer with them. My mom come visit every few years. My DH’s family is about 30mins away and they are not helpful at all. Spend very little time with the kids.

This is my situation in reverse. My ILs are in Western Europe and my MIL is wonderful and a very devoted grandmother. She is divorced and is considering moving here. My parents live 60 miles away, and we rarely see them. It is not for a lack of trying on my part. They are just not interested at all. It is such a huge contrast in grandparent interest that I wasn't really prepared for my parents not to really GAF about my kids. But they are always with my sisters' kids so yeah, I take it personally. It is not as if they don't like kids, they just don't like us.


I really wish things were different. My kids are tweens/young teens so they've noticed.

My family is in Europe. I and the kids (5,8 and 10) spend every summer with them. My mom come visit every few years. My DH’s family is about 30mins away and they are not helpful at all. Spend very little time with the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is in Australia, DH is deployed. I see my family once a year when they fly here for a month. We enjoy our time together; they are involved grandparents even from afar. ILs live one hour flight away and are not involved albeit "send us the pictures".

Just let this die already! Your kids are your responsibility not your in laws. They don’t want to be bothered if you need help hire help. They’re not obligated to take an hour flight to come help you!!

Wow. You must be in deep internal turmoil.