Thanks, pp's. I really appreciate your insights.

We have two SN children. The eldest was not diagnosed before the second was born. In fact, both were rather late diagnoses. Very different SNs. One sort of fits with both sides of the family (high functioning end of the autism spectrum)- Easy to find examples. The second is a bolt from the blue- very profound LDs and ADHD. We have shaken the family tree vigorously and haven't found much.

As far as special needs go, we are on the mild end as our children should be able to be independent contributing adults. Added pressure on us to ensure that success, but we do not have the anticipated lifelong care issues that many of our friends have had to plan. It has stretched our parenting to its limits at times and we have brought in professionals when needs and taken several parenting type courses. It has been our second child that has had the most significant impact on our lives, but that is also compounded by also having another SN child. With the first, we could have gone along mostly as we would have if DC had been NT. We have made the financial and career sacrifices to have a sahp through HS. They are currently in HS. The jury is still out.

It really is a personal decision and nuanced to the individual family. Good luck with your decision.

We have two SN kids. The second more delayed than the first. It is what it is, and there's no going back.

Bump. Any updates or other perspectives appreciated. Thanks.

1 sn kiddo.

Our autistic son is our 2nd. Our 1st has ADHD. And we decided to go ahead and have more. We have two daughters that are several years younger than the older 2. I know it's not common these days to have 4 kids, but we really enjoy all of them! I can't say it gets easier, because it doesn't! But I don't think we would go back and change our decision, even if we could. It's not for everyone. And I realize that our "disposable income" has all but disappeared. We may never be rich with $$, but we have each other! We love them all, and they bring a lot of joy into our home.
Granted there are some safety concerns with the younger ones and our autistic son, because he can be unpredictable sometimes, and he's so much bigger/older than them. So that's something to consider.
Anyway, good luck to all those parents out there with special needs kids! And if you are considering it, I hope my story helps you make your decision (one way or the other).

We discovered my DC's special needs after we got (accidentally) pregnant. DH is happy, as he's always wanted two, and I'm kind of glad it worked out that way - i.e. the decision-making process was out of my hands. I most likely would have stopped at 1 had I known. Now I'm anxious, but also excited about what life with two will bring. Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous wrote:16:27 here. OP, how old is your first child? Sometimes it takes time to realize you're able to handle another one. Maybe instead of waiting 2-3 years like you would if your first were typically developing, you might need to wait 3-5 years to get a handle on your first. We went through periods where we thought we'd never have a 2nd, but then starting have periods where it seemed like a remote possibility in the future and eventually came around to affirmatively deciding yes. It was a long decision process. What also helped was educating ourselves about the possibility of having a second with SN, both the same disorder and generally.

OP here
Thanks exactly what we did. Everything has been easier and easier. Our child will be 5 soon and I will be 39 after that. My DH argument is that he feels feels there will always be somthing we will need to do extra to help our child and he already overwhelmed. He feels he reach his limit.

16:27 here. OP, how old is your first child? Sometimes it takes time to realize you're able to handle another one. Maybe instead of waiting 2-3 years like you would if your first were typically developing, you might need to wait 3-5 years to get a handle on your first. We went through periods where we thought we'd never have a 2nd, but then starting have periods where it seemed like a remote possibility in the future and eventually came around to affirmatively deciding yes. It was a long decision process. What also helped was educating ourselves about the possibility of having a second with SN, both the same disorder and generally.

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this thread: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/204503.page

My first is now 3-1/2 and the delays are very significant. We went ahead and had a second and could not be happier with our decision, even though a little more sleep and free time would be nice! I like the way PP phrased it. Our world no longer revolves around the special needs of our first, even though they are so significant and take up a great deal of our time. It's been a great decision. Good luck!

OP here
I wish my husband felt that way. He has found this far too overwhelming. I'm so so sad

Staying at 1. Wish I could handle more.

We decided to stay at 1! Love my little guy but I know my limits. I wish I was able to handle more.

I am the OP of this thread: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/204503.page

My first is now 3-1/2 and the delays are very significant. We went ahead and had a second and could not be happier with our decision, even though a little more sleep and free time would be nice! I like the way PP phrased it. Our world no longer revolves around the special needs of our first, even though they are so significant and take up a great deal of our time. It's been a great decision. Good luck!

My SP child is my first. We decided to have another and it's been wonderful - totally shifted the way we think of ourselves from "a family with a special needs kid" to "a family with 2 kids, one of whom has special needs".

After your child with SN was born, did that influence your decision on if you were going to have a second child? I know this question has been posted before. I did search and couldn't find a link.