NEVER let her babysit. That woman has it in for you.

Congrats on the baby

That sucks, but anybody knowing about the existence of your baby can't hurt her. No harm has been done. You now know you can't trust your mother.

That’s really crummy OP.

OP,

1. Please tell your hospital doctor (and husband) that you are at risk for post-partum depression, because you just received a trigger of past abuse and are dealing with more than regular post-partum recovery. They will write it in before you go home. It's important you don't sit on this by yourself until your first appointment with your regular doc.

2. I am sorry this happened. You did your best, and you tried to be a good human. Now you know you were correct to cut off your mother before.

3. You have to cut her off again, for a long, long time. You don't need to tell her or explain. Just do it. It will help you get better faster.

4. Congratulations on the birth of your baby! This is a happy time! I hope you two thrive.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry, OP. You are protecting your daughter and she is lucky to have you - you are keeping distance from people you know aren’t safe. Wishing you an easy recovery and hope you have the love and support you need right now.

I somehow missed the first thread but just read all of it and this. OP, part of me is glad your mom did this because I hope it lets you see that she can not ever be trusted. You cut her off for years and let her back in with ONE qualification and she could not adhere to that. But far more important than that is the fact that she protected your brother when she saw him molesting you?! How old was your brother when you were 4? I did not see that anywhere and this missing piece may inform a lot. I mean, if he was 6 years old, I totally see where your mother was coming from but I am guessing that is nowhere close to the truth.

I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. Congratulations on your baby girl.

I am so sorry,OP. Your mother totally betrayed you and not only that, by doing that she’s chosen not to support you just as she didn’t protect you when you were a child. I am one of the last DCUM posters to be in favor of NC, but there is no question here.

You are protecting your child. I know you and DH will love and protect your daughter. I hope you can find a way to concentrate on your healing and your baby. Block mom and brother and anyone else you need to. Let DH run interference if it needs to happen. All of your energy needs to go into your physical and emotional recovery so that you can take care of your precious baby.

Congrats on your baby girl! I'm so sorry that your mother proved herself as awful as everyone said. We always hope they will change for us and be the parent we deserve, but some people are just not capable.

I hope you never speak to either of them again. They do not deserve to be a part of your or your childs life.

Anonymous wrote:This is awful. Two thoughts:

1) if this was going to happen, glad it happened now before she had more access, info, pictures, etc. You would feel worse if she crossed this boundary a year from now. Now you can still make a clean break.

2) you have a wonderful new child with whom you can establish a loving and protective relationship. Remember that your daughter is safe and your focus should be on your well being so you can be a good mom.

Lastly, please don’t guilt yourself if your joy is overshadowed right now. You have your whole life to enjoy your child. Many, many people have a crappy postpartum experience for some reason or another, and it does not define you.

THIS THIS THIS! Blessing in disguise, OP!

I am so sorry. This just reads like a huge punch in the gut for you. My suggestion is that you cut off your mom completely since she cannot maintain boundaries.

This is awful. Two thoughts:

1) if this was going to happen, glad it happened now before she had more access, info, pictures, etc. You would feel worse if she crossed this boundary a year from now. Now you can still make a clean break.

2) you have a wonderful new child with whom you can establish a loving and protective relationship. Remember that your daughter is safe and your focus should be on your well being so you can be a good mom.

Lastly, please don’t guilt yourself if your joy is overshadowed right now. You have your whole life to enjoy your child. Many, many people have a crappy postpartum experience for some reason or another, and it does not define you.

I'd be upset but it was only a matter of time before she mentioned a grandchild to him. You say it would have been better earlier during pregnancy, and you also say you wanted it later. But regardless, he was going to find out. I would not excuse your mother but it sounds like you knew he would find out so this is really a matter of timing and higher emotions. Its very hard to hide the existence of a child from a relative if another is speaking to them regularly. I would block your brother from contacting you. That would have solved the issue of you hearing from him.

I am sorry that she did not respect your wishes OP.

Your own mothers betrayal on the day(s) that you become one yourself is a deep wound. She has chosen, and you need to choose your family now. I would also caution against the thinking that you couldnt protect your own child. This is about you and your mother. Now you know who you need to protect yourself from. And by protecting yourself, you protect your child(ren).

Wishing you a safe and swift recovery from your c-section/delivery.

Updating. As I got a lot of good advice on this thread. Also just venting. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone even DH.

But I posted this a few months ago

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1206175.page

DH and I made sure my mother knew the boundary we had in place and why and she said nothing to worry about and stopped asking. She even went out of her way to reassure us.

Less than 48 hours after baby girl was born I get a text from my brother saying congratulations. You could have told me.

I was in shock. Also less than 2 days postpartum and still in the hospital after a C-section with DH and baby. Start crying immediately and looking to see if anyone else but my mother could have posted on social Media. Nope. So I text saying she had one boundary and she couldn't even follow it. And then some. Her response was as a grandmother she had to tell them.

It hurts even more knowing she waited until baby was her and I was postpartum. This seems more cruel than just telling them when I pregnant. She also knows and acknowledges my brother as a child molester - saying well no visits but I just told him and my grandsons and he won't ever meet her.

I said a lot of things while feeling like absolute garbage that I couldn't even protect my 2 day old baby. And I should have known my mother would never change. It was my fault for thinking she could or would want to for this child if she couldn't even do it for me. I turned off my phone and saw one text saying please don't do this to me- cutting her off. And I didn't look at any other texts. Probably won't for a while.

Anyway trying to enjoy postpartum time and not think about this but I did remember so many of you saying she wouldn't change and I wish I had been more prepared - I think I was during pregnancy. But it truly feels like another level of hate to do this and tell him after she's her and I'm in the hospital.