Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Another point. I made it a big priority that we are polite to each other, my husband and I. We have a very, very cordial relationship that I think really flourished when I stopped taking things so seriously and caring so much. I care that he speaks to me politely and if he was a jerk I would point out that if he couldn't talk to a coworker this way, why is it okay for him to speak that way to me. I also walked the walk. I became much, much more pleasant around my husband. I make my points that need to be made and keep it moving. If it's not worth raising, I don't stew over it or -- even unintentionally -- internalize it. I just let the things that don't matter, which is surprisingly a lot, go.[/quote]

Let's say your husband doesn't call you or spend time with you, but expects sex. How do you not be annoyed that he doesn't facilitate an emotional connection but expects a physical one?[/quote]

If you enjoy having sex with him, have sex because YOU enjoy it. [/quote]

But I don't want to, for the reasons above.[/quote]

Then don't have sex with him.  [/quote]

And make it clear to your husband that if he wants sex, you need "X." No, "X" -- no sex.[/quote]

I actually don't agree with this advice.  I think it's too argumentative.  If she wants to say she doesn't feel like having sex because she doesn't feel close to him or she feels like he just comes to her for sex without spending time with her, that's a little softer approach.  I think the conversation needs to be had outside the bedroom, not when he shows up for sex.[/quote]

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