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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay OP and others, I have one more question about this approach. How do you not get mad at him? Let's say you feel like you do more and he's lazy. How are you able to just let things go and not feel resentful?[/quote]

I rarely ever get mad like that, I just don't. If he doesn't think mowing the lawn is a priority, I do it when I DO think it is a priority, or pay somebody to do it. But, my DH isn't lazy. If you think of what he does as an extra, a bonus, the side dollop of whipped cream next to your lovely cake of life, well, you get to enjoy that whipped cream. But I don't count on him to do more around the house because I am the one who cares about it. I care if the floors are clean? I wash them. I care if the cars are washed? I wash them. If I care that the children wash their faces before they leave the house? I ask them to wash them. Because if DH doesn't care about it, he just doesn't. And "forcing" him to do it ... not a good strategy.[/quote]

2nd poster again.  You guys really picked up the thread last night while I was doing other stuff.

I do this.  I do get mad, and I have tried to really lessen the anger.  It doesn't help.  I do try to see the best in my husband.  He does a lot around the house, and certainly more than my dad ever did.  I think he thinks I am lazy, but I do all the back end stuff for the kids, like activities and carpool coordination, etc.  I do all the finances.  I used to try defend myself when I'd spent hours doing the insurance/flexible spending paperwork on a weekend instead of whatever housework he felt I should be doing.  We'll I don't care what he thinks, and the trying to make feel guilty just doesn't work anymore.  I am content with what I get done, in the order I have chosen to do them.  He has his strengths and desires, and I have mine.  He has proven he can't manage a kids activity (he is supposed to be the person who manages my kid getting to soccer).  Every saturday, the other moms know I'll be emailing asking where and when the game is b/c DH won't know.  Now they just email me and I work the back end to get the kids ready.

p.s.  I didn't tell him of my strategy shift.  I just clicked into it one day.  I need to be more like OP, and stop caring if my DH wants says "yes" to an activity I want to do.  I have let him passive aggressively not agree or disagree to a choice to the point the choice is made for me (usually in the negative) by inaction.  I need to just start going without him and stop feeling guilty when my friends want me to join them for an outing (without him).[/quote]

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