Reply to My husband isn't doing his to-do list

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[quote=Anonymous]You know, are these items that are really important or just things that you want done/care about?

Some people don't need for a house to be pristine.  They don't mind a little dust.  It simply isn't important to them.  My guess is that your to-do list (including the major reorganization items that you've tasked yourself with) are all things he doesn't really care about.

So your trick was coming up with a list of stuff that matters to you and dividing it in half and then saying that you've tasked yourself with huge things, so it's only fair.

His perspective is that he doesn't care about any of the items on the list.  He'd be fine if you didn't do any of your items either.  So he feels bamboozled and tricked and guilted into stuff.

And then if/when you have BIL do the stuff, your DH will also feel like you're complaining about him behind his back (and in a situation where he doesn't have an opportunity to defend himself or tell his side).

It all seems passive-aggressive and nasty to me.

With my DH, we are clear about what stuff is stuff that needs to be done (i.e., the kind of stuff you can't let go or it will cause more major repairs or possibly dangerous situations) versus what stuff is stuff we'd each like to complete.

Then we sort out TOGETHER a timeline of when we'd like it done and who is going to take care of what items.

My husband doesn't tell me to do stuff that is cosmetic that I don't really care about.  And I don't tell him to do stuff that is cosmetic that he doesn't really care about.  But we both will ASK each other for help or to do something we'd like to get done and we phrase it as "I know this isn't your priority, but ..."

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