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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]If your stepmom was on the scene within two months of your bio mom leaving, odds are your stepmom was once your dad's mistress.[/b]

Regardless, I think you are putting too much emotional effort into mitigating the consequences of your parents' divorce. I say this as someone who has been doing the same thing for 25 years. Stop doing it. Stop talking to your mom about how it makes her feel. Stop talking to your dad about how he should treat your mom. Let them be adults, let them hurt each other, and you focus on creating a healthy marriage with your fiancée.

You are allowed to just invite your parents. Call it "family only", but own it. Your dad may be resentful for awhile. He's allowed to be. Neither of you can have your cake and eat it too: that's part of being an adult.

And you seem to have touched on all the DCUM relationship hot buttons: cheating, divorce, adult children v. new partners, destination weddings. If you are a troll, this is exceptionally well played. Bravo![/quote]

This is absolutely correct. OP, do you really think your father was faithful to your insane, as you say, bio mom? Unlikely. Also odd that a brand new girlfriend would feel so completely immediately invested in raising your father's children if she weren't already on the scene for a bit and already emotionally entangled. No one I know who had a train wreck first spouse ended up with a normal second spouse, if they didn't take some time for high quality self reflection / therapy between relationships. Your sanctifying your stepmother while demonizing your father's new partner might fit nicely with your black and white view of everything in the world, but it isn't likely the truth.

I also call troll. A lot of the long drawn out posts don't sound like they were written by a man ("I only want the people at my wedding who made me the man I am today!" LOL) Does anyone else know a man IRL who is this ideological about his wedding?[/quote]

Op here...

Is it possible? Sure. But that isn't a concern of mine. I do not have a relationship with my biological mother. If he cheated on her with my step mom I dont really care. I consider my step mom my real mom. My real issue with my dad is not the cheating. Its bad and hurtful but its the lies and the selfishness that bothers me. In addition as I mentioned I dont trust the OW intentions. When my step mom met my dad he had nothing. Its quite a different situation. According to my dad he was broke, my age and had a 6 month old and a 2 year old and felt like my step mom was the best chance he had at me and my brother getting raised right because he was working all the time. And in his words, how many woman are lining up for a broke guy in his late 20s with two young kids.

I knew it was a matter of time before people started saying troll etc etc. Its not like I've never read a dcum post. Not all men are poor communicators and emotionally stunted. Dcum seems to enjoy typecasting sexes.

The more I think about it the more I see the validity in what pp's have said about things like this being a reoccurring issue and that excluding his SO or him wont make things better but its a tough pill to swallow. I'll post Sunday night on how the dinner goes with my step mom. Based on how that goes I will know what I need to do.

Thanks to those who shared their experiences and took the time to read and respond. Its definitely been weighing heavy on me. I'll be back on Sunday.[/quote]

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