Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think it does work for some people.  Those people are remarkably generous, flexible, open-hearted people who don't have a strong need for control in their lives.  And there is an element of luck as well-- job or financial losses, major kid problems, health struggles, fertility (as PP wisely mentioned) and relationship struggles can really put this kind of family to the test.

I think you have to evaluate whether you really are the kind of person mentioned above, and whether your circumstances are likely to produce a lot of stress in the future.

You will hear from some people who are happy with their step-parenting lives, and maybe they really are.  But I will caution you that not everyone accurately perceives what is going on in their family.  To hear my mom tell it, we're a big happy blended family-- her loser boyfriend and his messed-up kids, and his ex, and my dad and his new wife and me and my siblings.  But we haven't ever been in the same place at the same time for 20 years, because we're all just so busy.  But a big happy family!  My stepmother thinks everything is my mother's fault and my dad is perfect.  But I was 16 when they divorced and I saw and heard quite a bit to the contrary.  These are the things they need to believe in order to cope with their life choices.  I keep my mouth shut because life is easier that way.  But if she (or my stepmom) knew what I really think, they would flip right out.[/quote]

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