Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Op here. I am established - work at a finance company ( make around300k/net). I own my own home, cars, etc.

I am more of a monogamous person, but I had my share of misguided deeds. I had 6 serious partners, and dated a few others for a few months. I've had about 3 one night stands. In total, I've slept with 12 women. I do have some women chase me just for the lifestyle I can provide them with.

I've had sex with this current women 5-6 times. Used a condom every time. I've never said she was mine and I'm not being possessive. I was just hurt. I agree I should of had the ta lk before now. It was my mistake, and potentially my loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Op here. I am established - work at a finance company ( make around300k/net). I own my own home, cars, etc.

I am more of a monogamous person, but I had my share of misguided deeds. I had 6 serious partners, and dated a few others for a few months. I've had about 3 one night stands. In total, I've slept with 12 women. I do have some women chase me just for the lifestyle I can provide them with.

I've had sex with this current women 5-6 times. Used a condom every time. I've never said she was mine and I'm not being possessive. I was just hurt. I agree I should of had the ta lk before now. It was my mistake, and potentially my loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

OP should dine and dash and leave her holding the bag.

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

OP should dine and dash and leave her holding the bag.

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

Anonymous wrote:Okay what questions should op ask?

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.

I'm 31 so right between OP and his girlfriend and EVERYONE I know in this age bracket has the exclusivity talk if they want/expect exclusivity. OP is either deeply mistaken or being dishonest when he says "most... don't have the exclusivity talk." Either way, lesson learned for him, if you don't say it, you can't expect it.

I'm 34 and I polled my married friends at lunch today because we honestly look at the Tinder world and scratch our heads. Vast majority never had an exclusivity talk (do people still call it a DTR?). Then again, we're mostly from the South and cultural expectations might be different. As one guy pointed out, before the real proliferation of online dating, you had to invest time in getting to know someone before you could move on to the next option as easily so perhaps behaviors and expectations were different?

Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I don't find it at all odd or questionable that OP would stop seeing other women a week after seeing the woman in question. Which isn't to say that he should not have had the exclusivity talk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.

But that doesn't mean she slept with the other guy too.

She may just be keeping open other options until op steps up to the plate and commits, which is wise.

I don't date multiple people at once (maybe I will go on first or second dates etc). And I wish exclusivity was more expected without talking about it. But sadly u can't assume that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.