Reply to DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you seem really worried that your DH will steamroller you and make you feel bad for the feelings you have, and that somehow you are the one with the issue here. You are trying way too hard to be the "cool wife" but what you reallly need to do is address head on why your husband is spending his free time and the family's money on going out with younger women. You absolutely have the right to bring it up. I would ignore the posters here who are trying to make you out as paranoid. This is not having independent friendships, this is going out late at night drinking with single women. And I would not assume that "jen" or whomever thinks he is a harmless, creepy dad. There are plenty of young women who are taken with older men and the thrill of someone who is married even more so. Plus, the fact that he goes out when his wife is at home with the kid sends the signal that he is free to do what he wants, hell maybe he is even intimating you have an open relationship.

I think you must take him aside and say:  I feel that you're behavior is inappropriate and crosses boundaries. It makes me uncomforable and more than that, it makes me sad that you would rather spend time with new, female acquaintances than with me. I would like you to stop going out at night with these friends without inviting me along.

At the end of the day, even if he thinks there's "nothing wrong with it," (and he will do this and try to make you feel like you're the issue) in a marriage the feelings of his wife should take precedence over a new friendship with a random woman. You may have to ask him point blank if going out with new friends is more important than nurturing the relationship with his wife and if he is willing to hurt you in order to satisfy this need he evidently has to socialize. When he pushes back and says that you're being paranoid and jealous, you ask him "well, then how about we hang with them together." You certainly should say that it is inappropriate after a date night that he goes on another date and at the very least, it suggests to other women that he is available and looking because sorry, a married man who  is drinking at a bar at 11 pm at night with a single woman with his wife at home with a kid is a married man looking for action. He may very well be fooling himself about this, but deep down he probably knows this is inappropriate.

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OP here.  Thank you. [/quote]

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