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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's why my DH thinks I'm "low drive"-- it's his behavior.  He cooks dinner, which is nice, but then watches ESPN on his phone while we eat.  I try to use dinner to talk with our two kids, teach good table manners, etc..   He undermines this with bad table manners and his phone.  I watch him wipe his mouth with his hand-- do you think I want that inside me?  Then we both do some chores and he half-assedly plays with the kids while still on his damn phone.  God forbid we ever have an actual conversation about anything, ever.  Then I get ready for bed.  After staying up later than either of us should, I hear him in the bathroom.  I can tell he doesn't brush his teeth, or even wash his hands after pooping.  Then he paws me to see if I'm willing to have sex.  Surprise, I'm not!  I actually prefer morning sex, but since he won't cooperate with me getting enough sleep, I usually don't feel like it.

The many times we've discussed this, he tells me that he doesn't think his hygiene and table manners are bad and that I'm a snob for caring.  He expects me to care about his sexual needs, yet doesn't even care that I don't want to get an infection from his lack of personal hygiene.  Most of all, I resent that whenever I try to frankly discuss this, he just calls me a snob and refuses to compromise.  So I've reconciled myself to being called "low drive" even though I'm really not.

So, OP, if there's any issue that your wife raised a few times some years back and you dismissed, maybe reconsider that.  And brush your damn teeth.[/quote]

Why did you marry him? People don't change that drastically.[/quote]

Well, I do love him.  Table manners-wise, he was definitely on his best behavior before we were married and has let things slide.  But the main difference was having kids.  Me needing more sleep and an earlier bedtime wasn't an issue when we didn't have kids.  And back then, there was time for both adult conversation and ESPN.  I'm just sad that, now that we have to choose one or the other, he's chosen ESPN.

But really, the particulars aren't important.  What matters is that my efforts to have a constructive discussion of the problem were ignored for years, until I gave up.  I think that's the problem in a lot of these low-sex marriages-- there's a lingering problem or resentment, the man never took it seriously so he's forgotten it ever exists, and the woman has given up trying to get him to address it.  [/quote]

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