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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]dh has serious anxiety disorder and after much trial and error found a medication that controls it somewhat years ago.  problem is it kills his libido, we have sex ~4x/year and its awful when we do b/c it has to be very quick and focused on his stimulation.  he dislikes the side effect but is unwilling to try other meds and risk going back to his point of extreme anxiety.

i've tried to discuss this with him but it just makes him feel awful and produces more anxiety so i've stopped bringing it up.  we have a loving and stable marriage otherwise but i can't stand the thought of giving up any sort of satisfying sex life forever when i'm only in my early 30s.  he would not be ok with an open marriage and he would be devastated and go off the rails if i left - which i don't want to except for the total lack of sex life.

what would you do in my shoes? [/quote]

1) Did you have good sex before the meds? If so, the problem is the meds. If not, the problem is your spouse and/or your relationship.
2) If just merely discussing *this* issue causes anxiety for your spouse, have him consider the level of anxiety he'll feel if you bail. That's not "nice", but it's accurate. You're thinking about stepping out of this marriage (either via divorce or cheating, and neither would be fun for him) and he needs to truly understand that, especially if his excuse for maintaining the status quo is "I dont want to risk... anxiety." He's gonna have some anxiety. Let him choose the source.
3) Anxiety sucks ass. I am well and truly familiar, believe me. However, it sounds like your spouse is using it as a crutch and an excuse. "I can't fuck you, because my anxiety meds. I can't change my meds because my anxiety. I don't want to talk about it because anxiety." Having anxiety about one's anxiety means the meds he's currently on aren't working as well as they probably could. For that alone, you should strongly urge him to try other things. It may take months, but months are doable. Sickness and health, remember?
4) Stay present. Crying about how much this will suck for 50 years/forever is ridiculous. Yes, here and now is not going so well. Look for things you can do to change your situation. If you try all you can think to try but still can't change your situation, leave (and go find a new situation, 'cause they all suck in some way). You don't need to suffer 50 years, so don't try to use that imagined, hypothetical suffering to justify making dumb decisions in the present.

Cheating is never justifiable. There is no such thing as a "justifiable affair". That sort of mentality is both emotionally and intellectually lazy, not to mention unethical. As someone mentioned upthread: if you think he'd be shattered if you left, just imagine how he'd feel if/when he finds out you cheated.[/quote]

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