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[quote=Anonymous]OP is full of fantasies. I married into a big SE Asian family, and no matter what I tell them, they assume that I'm estranged/disowned from my own loving family, just because we have typically American independent lives and boundaries, and don't obsessively cling to each other.

Meanwhile, the Asian in-laws spend every moment hanging out together, working together, prying into every gory detail of each other's personal business. They never stop gossiping about each other, telling each other what to do, and shaming/judging each other. This is how they control. They've lived in the US for decades, but have zero western friends, and they just don't understand western ways. They only condemn them. They go overboard idealizing their archaic and extreme mindset and traditions, and they railroad or disown anyone who tries to achieve a more healthy, balanced lifestyle.

Believe me, many of the elderly parents in Asian families are secretly loathed and resented, as they rule over their miserable adult kids' lives, pounding it into them that the kids owe them everything because the parents sacrificed everything for them. Is it love to sacrifice with conditions attached, conditions that mean your child is not free to love who they want, not free to go into the career they want, not free to have their own home, not free to be the person they are or have their own feelings? This is what a lot of Asian parents put on their kids. I've never seen such a concentration of severe personality disorders as I did once I finally managed to get under the facades of Asian families.

Yes, they stand by each other, and go out of their way to help each other, but the strings attached to everything can be suffocating. My husband is still in therapy trying to disentangle himself.

It's not healthy to have no boundaries, and to beat down peoples' normal emotions and needs and personalities to service the needs of the collective. [/quote]

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