Reply to Dad's new wife wants older grandchildren to call her grandma

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[quote=Anonymous]This isn't an Ivy (!!! Love it!!); it's a grandpa problem.

He's pushing his wife's agenda and making her insecurity his kids' and grandkids' problem. It's particularly crappy because he's asking them to gloss over the difference between this woman and his ex-wife, the mother of their mother, who has known and loved them forever.

My daughter has a stepmother and a stepfather. She calls them by their first names. My ex-h and I would have gone ballistic if the other had asked DD to call a stepparent mom or dad.  She loves her step parents, having had the opportunity to grow in those relationships over time. But there is one mom and one dad (or only two of each if you're talking about a same-sex family).

Grandma is not as extreme as mom or dad, but it is not a simple matter of politeness.

So here's what I recommend:

"Dad, we're all happy you've found love. In time the kids will form a bond with Mrs. Smith but for them, Mom and MIL are grandma and by forcing this issue, you are making them feel like you want to replace their grandmas. It's only going to get in the way of the kids' relationship with Mrs. Smith, which you don't want.  So let's pick something else like Mimi or Nana."[/quote]

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