Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a recently divorced guy, with a kid, who has not remarried yet -- and who has not introduced any dates yet to my son-- so take this for a grain of salt. To begin with, I find the whole concept of priority problematic.  Everybody has needs.  Everybody has time demands.  Everyone wants and needs to feel special in a relationship.  The issue would not, in my mind, be who is more important, but how can we all achieve more and be more comfortable.

Of course, there are conflicts.  But there are conflicts if there isn't a kid too.  Do you go on a work trip?  Do you have a date night or go out with friends?  Do you do the extra load of laundry, even though you hate doing laundry, because it will help your partner be more relaxed? Having a kid may create more conflicts because they create additional demands on your time.  So everything needs to be allocated between 3 or more instead of 2.

I would only remarry someone that wanted my son to flourish.  Not because he's more important, but because I just wouldn't like anyone who couldn't have that personal generosity of the heart and soul toward another person in their care.  I wouldn't respect them as a person.  I understand that my son wouldn't be her biological kid, and the feeling of protectiveness and generosity wouldn't be as strong as for her own offspring.  There is biology to that. But someone that view a strict division betwen mine and hers is probably going to be absolute and unreasonable in other ways too.

I've been pretty bummed out lately that I've had several women that I was interested in dating, who expressed interest in me, who said they didn't want to go out after I mentioned I had a son (in texting before the date).  I guess I should be grateful.  [/quote]

I am married, but this is how I would feel if I were to get divorced. Though to be honest I probably simply wouldn't remarry at all. My divorced friend seems to have had the best relationships with divorced men who also have kids from the prior marriage.   [/quote]

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