Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the poster you're responding to. I think it's important also to consider that someone with young children may not have a good understanding of what's developmentally or socially appropriate for older children. [/quote]

Much snippage, but replying back.

I agree, and I would only amend this to include someone with no children at all not having a good understanding of what's appropriate for older children.  However, none of that negates their right to have a voice on what happens in their own home and marriage.  I'm not saying a brand new step-parent should really even attempt to truly act as a parent on an equal footing with the biological parents.  They should, however, have some input, particularly when you're talking about things like household finances which are really only secondarily linked to "parenting".

For the PP saying there are no-win situations: absolutely.  And the point isn't that your husbands first kids should be the only judges of whether or not he is present and supportive.  They may not get everything they want (which is really probably just getting back together with their mom). I'm a child of divorce, and I've seen lots of other people like this who never ever grow up and realize that: 1) it's not all about them and 2) there are rarely black hat/white hat villains and heroes.  There's no reason your husband shouldn't simply do what is reasonable and right, and if his kids are still pissed at him to some degree, then that's their problem.  At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own happiness (directing this at the kids).  [/quote]

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