Reply to How long does the man pick up the check?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 35, actively dating, and increasingly these days find that men don't pick up the check, at least men you meet online. There are exceptions, particularly men I've dated from European backgrounds, or aged 40+, but it seems that splitting the check, or at least alternating paying, is becoming the norm. I've always offered to split, but generally men accept it now, whereas they didn't 5 or 10 years ago. [/quote]

90% of the men I've dated have been under 35, many under 30 (50%). Never split a bill or had a man expect that I pay. I also have never offered to split. Similar to another guy on this thread, I might pay once in awhile, invite the guy over for dinner, or share tickets I have and he doesn't have to pay (though he might still spring for a meal). But this probably amounts to 20% over the course of my life. I haven't actually paid for a date in years and I was in a relationship then. Perhaps its also the income disparity. I make well under 80K and most guys have had higher earnings, plus I'm a mom. My Big Law friend has had a different experience.[/quote]

I'm the poster you're quoting, and I suppose in some ways I am more similar to your Big Law friend. I'm not in Big Law (and certainly not earning those kinds of dollars) but I do make more than you say you do, and I don't have any children, so perhaps that is a factor? I'm perceived to have more disposable income than you do? My other question is, when you say you've never offered to split a bill - how do you do that -  I'm genuinely curious. Do you not offer even if you know you aren't interested, so there won't be a second date? It's like a reflex with me, bill arrives, my wallet get pulled out, even if they have reached for the check. The ones who want to pay wave me off, but I honestly don't think I couldn't offer. [/quote]

It's never occurred to me that I should offer. Really, it hasn't. It's akin to dismissing a compliment someone gives me. I believe that men enjoy doing nice things for women, especially women they're interested in. Pulling out my wallet when a guy is courting me just seems like a masculine move where I'm pushing the relationship into friend zone. Also, my guy friends typically don't care for it either. I remember telling a guy friend that I wanted to buy a cute guy in a bar a drink as a compliment and was discouraged. Said it changes the dynamics and not in a good way. I was encouraged to flirt or start up a conversation but buying a drink was considered a strong move. By the way, I haven't had any dates I can think of where I've thought "Definitely not going out with him again."

It doesn't kill things sexually for you when you're going Dutch? I can't think of a single guy where we could go 50/50 on dates and sustain sexual attraction over the longterm. Seems like we'd fall into friend zone.lol[/quote]

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