Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Re: having sex when you don't want to. But the point is, if you are in a loving marriage, you should very rarely 'not want to.' No, I don't mean your libido is set at a constant go-go-go, but wanting to have sex with your spouse doesn't have to mean 'want to because I will expire from hormonal overload if I don't get laid.' It can also mean 'wanting to because having sex makes my partner happy and making him/her happy makes me happy' (or 'physical closeness to my partner makes me happy').

That's what I don't get about people who say they don't want to have sex with a spouse - even if your libido isn't raging, don't you get pleasure from making a loved one happy? (If you don't love/like your spouse, you have other problems in the marriage than just lack of sex).

To use an example from my own marriage (which has so far lasted 15+ years). Sometimes DH wants it and I give the 'go ahead' because even if my libido isn't raring to go, I enjoy giving him pleasure - it makes me happy and feel good. And sometimes it's the other way around.

Honestly, sex isn't always just about your pleasure, it's about enjoying your partner's pleasure too.[/quote]

You're absolutely right.  But there seems to be a vicious cycle of resentment in marriages like this.  Some women (in this thread and others like it) have said their husbands are all over them the second they walk in the door.  Its pushy, they get defensive, and eventually they're dreading the advances before they even get home.  Shooting down the guy before he even tries.

Now I'm a DH and the higher libido partner.  We talked about it again a month or so ago, we both promised to try harder to meet each others' needs, we had sex three times in 1 week, then it stopped and its been another 3+ weeks now with her period due any day (period = no sex).  I've tried (again) to give the emotional support she wants, physical touching outside the bedroom and not just to initiate sex, and also four obvious attempts to initiate sex that were all rejected for a variety of reasons.  So now I feel angry, resentful, and fighting an internal struggle to give extra effort to do the little things that are important to her.  Obviously, throwing up my hands and ignoring her needs will not get me laid tonight.  But I just don't have the emotional stamina to try again with a high probability of failure.  In short, shooting us both down hours before I'll get home- not unlike the LD woman who dreads her husband's advances before she walks in the door.

Death by a thousand cuts.

And I don't have the energy to hope for anything better.  At least not right now.  I'm depressed and broken.[/quote]

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