Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a DW and in my long marriage, we have been in situations of drastic uneven libidos (both sides) at times.  However, I believe that the needs of the higher libido spouse trumps that of the non-sexual spouse, at any given period, in a marriage.  Why? Because I consider sex a basic need of human beings.  I would rather fulfill my spouse's need for sex than let him go without, and vice versa.

For me it is an act of caring and love. The same as wiping the drool off your spouse's chin when you are aged and old.

At the very least you need to be able to have frank discussions about it.  This is as much a marital issue that needs to be solved TOGETHER, as figuring out your budget, or kid's schooling option. Seriously.

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I completely and totally disagree with this. What you are saying is basically that people should have sex, even if they don't want to, because they owe it to someone to have sex. It's not at all the same as wiping away drool when you're old. If you are okay with having sex when you don't want to in order to keep your husband happy, that's great for you, but please do not assume that all of us would be okay with that situation. I know that I would absolutely not be.[/quote]

I am not PP, but I agree completely. I wish someone had put this to me so plainly years ago. Though I'm not sure I would have listened.

I withheld from my husband for decades. Not entirely, just a little here and there. I didn't even realize I was doing it. My libido was much lower than his and I controlled every aspect of our sex life. I felt a lot like you. Why should I be coerced into having sex when I'm not in the mood? What about my needs? For privacy, respect, sleep, whatever. The best argument I told myself was that having sex out of "pity" would be dishonest and disrespectful to my husband. Seriously. My arguments sounded good to me at the time, and meanwhile, I was slowly killing my husband's self esteem and frankly, his love for himself and for me. It took an affair and lots of therapy for me to realize this. I would never justify cheating, and I don't blame myself for my husband choosing this path. But I very much blame myself for failing to see how important sex was to him and my role in eroding our relationship. Death by a thousand cuts is just as deadly to a marriage. If you have the power to help your spouse feel loved and appreciated, why would you withhold that?

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