Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

+1000 Too many people are projecting. Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant. Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter; she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs. You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her. Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter. Do not confide in her about your marital business.

Anonymous wrote:

+1000 Too many people are projecting. Your stepdaughter at 14 had a lot of nerve telling you not to get pregnant. Now that she is 19, she is no longer a kid and should be treated like a young adult.

Frankly, she acts more like a jilted ex-wife than a stepdaughter; she is a little too invested in your childbearing needs. You have every right to be hurt by her behavior and should be cautious around her. Your stepdaughter sounds like she is the one who needs therapy because if you get pregnant again, she will probably become unhinged all over again.

And, yes, you also have a husband problem regarding having more children but it is completely separate from the relationship problems that also exist with your stepdaughter. Do not confide in her about your marital business.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read this whole thread and I am so sorry that you are going through this.

First of all, I think you need to actually tell your husband everything you've told this board. Print out the thread itself if you want to and show it to him. I was the person who changed her mind about wanting to have more children after having a scary miscarriage (similar to yours, from what it sounds like) and I felt so awful about that. Does your husband understand how much his decision has hurt you? It is definitely one of those situations where compromise is not really possible.

Secondly, I think that it is completely inappropriate for your stepdaughter to weigh in on whether or not you and her father "could" have a child together. However, she was 14 and it was a long time ago, so there's not really much to be done about it now. It's okay for you to dislike her based on her treatment of you. I know that my mom disliked me for some of my teenage years, when I was a jerk. My child is 4, but there are times when I don't really like her either as a result of her behavior. It does not mean that my mom doesn't LOVE me or that I don't LOVE my daughter or that you don't LOVE your stepdaughter, but you have every right to feel hurt and resentful about behavior that hurts you. How you deal with those feelings is where the situation becomes less black and white. I think it's wonderful that you tried to be kind to her when you were unable to be motherly and loving. You could have chosen to be a lot more immature about it and you didn't.

I think therapy sounds like a good thing for you. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and have been dealing with this particular situation of grief and resentment for years without much support. If your husband is ready to talk about things without a counselor, I think that telling him how much this all is bothering you would be a good start to resolving your feelings.

THAT SAID... what do you actually what to happen as a result of these conversations? Do you want stepdaughter to apologize? Do you want DH to change his mind? Telling him all this without having a desirable result will probably frustrate him (says the half-Nord). Figure out what actions would make you feel better about the situation and go into the conversation looking for a way to make those things happen together. If all you want is acknowledgement of your feelings, you'll probably get that but that will be all you get.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

NP. I think your and PP's behavior is deplorable and I can only hope you show your children more humanity than you've shown OP. You are both terrible people.

OP, I wish you peace and healing. Please ignore these hyenas. I think a lot of first wives are taking your post rather personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think the blood could have scared her and it really isn't an issue of another child but rather what happened.

If you read her original post, the SD told her outright she didn't want her to have kids. And why would she start calling the SM "bitch" if it was being scared of blood? Not criticizing your idea, but it seems unlikely. If she was afraid of blood, wouldn't it elicit sympathy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.

100% with you, PP. OPs behavior is deplorable and I'm not surprised her husband doesn't want to have a baby with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll try to make a long story short. After I got married, my stepdaughter took me aside and told me it was important to her that her dad and I not have children. I was pretty shocked. I told her that I understood her feelings, thanked her for being honest with me and didn't say much more (I wasn't prepared at all for that conversation). Her dad and I were planning on having a child. It was something I really wanted - he was less enthusiastic but was on board.

Fast forward two years, I'm pregnant and have a miscarriage early in my second trimester (literally just entered it). Obviously any woman would be bummed and sad when she has a miscarriage, and it hit me REALLY hard. When my stepdaughter found out about the miscarriage and realized I had been pregnant she started being awful to me. I mean awful. Pretty much every rude and dismissive behavior a kid can exhibit to a stepmom. It would have been bad enough to live with someone who is cold, rude and unkind to you, but to have it happen when you're sad after a miscarriage is almost unbearable. It lasted for almost 2 years before she started to thaw a little, then a lot, and now she's back to being sweet, wanting to talk, spend time with me etc.

My problem is that I can't get past it. If I can be honest without having you guys murder me, I just don't like her. I have a hard time liking someone who could treat another person, especially someone who is suffering already, the way she treated me.

I'm trying to be pleasant and friendly with her, but inside I'm still hurting. To add a detail: my husband changed his mind about us having kids and I'm really hurt about that too. She told him in no uncertain terms that she didn't want us to "try again" and even though he denies it, I feel like at least part of his decision was based on her wants.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How did you handle it? How did things pan out for you?

Yeah, you are totally out of line here. She is a child, and she did not ask for a new mom. You are an adult and you married a man with a child. You forced yourself into her life. "Disliking" a child because they don't want further upheaval in their lives and act childishly demonstrates how unfit for motherhood you are, in my view, and that might be part of what is driving your husband's decision. try showing him some mothering instinct.

That's mean. Wow. You're a bitter person.

No, not bitter. But I have two kids whom I love, and if their father married a woman who "disliked" them for behaving childishly when they were children and thus was "quiet and civil" when they were forced to spend time with her I would be FURIOUS and heartbroken for my child. Having a miscarriage does not excuse behaving like a child toward a child to whom you are supposed to be a parent.