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Reply to "My MIL just told my 9-year old that she was going to turn into a "fatty" if she ate whipped cream..."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My mother makes comments like this all the time, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. She is French, and self-esteem or the denting of it is not in her vocabulary. She wants to make sure that our under-weight family does not become normal-weight, because in her eyes, we would then be obese! Quelle horreur!

Your DH could perhaps say something.

[/quote]

I'm convinced that the self esteem movement is uniquely American. I have seen Europeans be quite direct re weight. A Chinese-Am friend who was born and raised in the U.S. and went to visit her grandparents in China every couple years has told me several times that her grandmother was quite horrified and "direct" about how "big" she got when she hit her teens/20s. My friend is normal sized for an American -- 5 ft 6 in and wears about a size 6; for her Chinese grandma that was obese as all the girls in the family and all the girls she knew -- neighbors, friend's granddaughters etc. -- were more like 5 ft and 100 lb max. My Indian grandparents -- same way; the issue of weight never came up, but if a grandkid wasn't doing well in school, they'd be quick to make comments about who was smart or not. Did it hurt feelings, sure. Did it need to be said -- yes and for me it was a motivator. [/quote]

I am Indian and I think what you described is BS.  I remember some uncle making comments about how some woman shoudl be "slimming herself" and getting ready for marriage.  My dad snapped back that she wasn't a piece of meat to be sold in a market, she was a person.  That shut him right up, and I was so proud of him.   There are insensitive, mean jerks in every culture but what you describe is by no mean an "Indian" thing - it's a tactless, mean jerk thing.

And telling a child that she is not smart is not at all motivational.  If you're not "smart", why bother?  When I was failing - literally failing - algebra, my parents worked with me a lot, told me to just keep putting in 100% and I'd get it eventually.  I ended up zipping through trig and calculus.  If they had just said I was stupid, I would have just veered toward things that were easier. [/quote]

You have great parents.
[/quote]

I'm Korean-American and my parents have never commented on my weight. I'm 5'4" and was a size 4 most of my life. I'm a size 6 now after giving birth to 2 kids. I'm probably normal for American standards but fat for Asian standards.

When I traveled to various countries around the world, many people consider Americans to be fat. S Americans, Europeans and Asians all seem more conscious about their weight. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing.[/quote]

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