Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother makes comments like this all the time, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. She is French, and self-esteem or the denting of it is not in her vocabulary. She wants to make sure that our under-weight family does not become normal-weight, because in her eyes, we would then be obese! Quelle horreur!

Your DH could perhaps say something.

I'm convinced that the self esteem movement is uniquely American. I have seen Europeans be quite direct re weight. A Chinese-Am friend who was born and raised in the U.S. and went to visit her grandparents in China every couple years has told me several times that her grandmother was quite horrified and "direct" about how "big" she got when she hit her teens/20s. My friend is normal sized for an American -- 5 ft 6 in and wears about a size 6; for her Chinese grandma that was obese as all the girls in the family and all the girls she knew -- neighbors, friend's granddaughters etc. -- were more like 5 ft and 100 lb max. My Indian grandparents -- same way; the issue of weight never came up, but if a grandkid wasn't doing well in school, they'd be quick to make comments about who was smart or not. Did it hurt feelings, sure. Did it need to be said -- yes and for me it was a motivator.

I am Indian and I think what you described is BS. I remember some uncle making comments about how some woman shoudl be "slimming herself" and getting ready for marriage. My dad snapped back that she wasn't a piece of meat to be sold in a market, she was a person. That shut him right up, and I was so proud of him. There are insensitive, mean jerks in every culture but what you describe is by no mean an "Indian" thing - it's a tactless, mean jerk thing.

And telling a child that she is not smart is not at all motivational. If you're not "smart", why bother? When I was failing - literally failing - algebra, my parents worked with me a lot, told me to just keep putting in 100% and I'd get it eventually. I ended up zipping through trig and calculus. If they had just said I was stupid, I would have just veered toward things that were easier.

You have great parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

I think you have major issues with food. Not everyone feels guilty and negatively when they eat a cupcake or a brownie.

I think not having junk in your house ever is a recipe for disaster. We have sweets in our house and, guess what? My kids still opt to snack on fruits, cheese, carrot sticks, etc. They eat dessert after dinner most nights...they are super skinny and need the calories... but they don't sit around gorging themselves w/ ice cream and cookies all day long. But your kids might once they have some freedom and mommy is not there controlling everything Larla puts in her mouth. What happens when Larla starts buying lunch at school? Or when she goes to college? I think you are setting up your kids to have weight problems, which I imagine is your worst nightmare. Good luck!

LOL. Why should it be my worst nightmare when we are a fit family? We have nothing to fear my friend. We are not killing our children by making them eat junk. I look at people around me with obese kids who will close their eyes to the problem they perpetuate at home. Oh yeah, their kids wear clothes made for kids who are a few years older than them, because their tummies hang down like a middle aged beer bellied man.

Take care of what is happening in your house and do not worry about what is happening in mine. I care for my kids enough not to poison them with junk food. And they make good choices not only in their eating habits but all other choices in their lives. Parents who are checked out will feed their kid crap. The obese child whose neck you cannot see? He did not become like that in one day. This was years of being fed a poor diet.

And the saddest part is that the obese individual is also chronically malnourished. Because this fat is not only extra calories but empty calories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

I think you have major issues with food. Not everyone feels guilty and negatively when they eat a cupcake or a brownie.

I think not having junk in your house ever is a recipe for disaster. We have sweets in our house and, guess what? My kids still opt to snack on fruits, cheese, carrot sticks, etc. They eat dessert after dinner most nights...they are super skinny and need the calories... but they don't sit around gorging themselves w/ ice cream and cookies all day long. But your kids might once they have some freedom and mommy is not there controlling everything Larla puts in her mouth. What happens when Larla starts buying lunch at school? Or when she goes to college? I think you are setting up your kids to have weight problems, which I imagine is your worst nightmare. Good luck!

LOL. Why should it be my worst nightmare when we are a fit family? We have nothing to fear my friend. We are not killing our children by making them eat junk. I look at people around me with obese kids who will close their eyes to the problem they perpetuate at home. Oh yeah, their kids wear clothes made for kids who are a few years older than them, because their tummies hang down like a middle aged beer bellied man.

Take care of what is happening in your house and do not worry about what is happening in mine. I care for my kids enough not to poison them with junk food. And they make good choices not only in their eating habits but all other choices in their lives. Parents who are checked out will feed their kid crap. The obese child whose neck you cannot see? He did not become like that in one day. This was years of being fed a poor diet.

And the saddest part is that the obese individual is also chronically malnourished. Because this fat is not only extra calories but empty calories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

I think you have major issues with food. Not everyone feels guilty and negatively when they eat a cupcake or a brownie.

I think not having junk in your house ever is a recipe for disaster. We have sweets in our house and, guess what? My kids still opt to snack on fruits, cheese, carrot sticks, etc. They eat dessert after dinner most nights...they are super skinny and need the calories... but they don't sit around gorging themselves w/ ice cream and cookies all day long. But your kids might once they have some freedom and mommy is not there controlling everything Larla puts in her mouth. What happens when Larla starts buying lunch at school? Or when she goes to college? I think you are setting up your kids to have weight problems, which I imagine is your worst nightmare. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who suffered from a serious eating disorder for more than 15 years, I would be LIVID if someone made a similar comment to my child. Telling a child they are going to turn into a fatty if they use whipped cream does not come from a place of caring. It is not sound diet or health advice. That comment was loaded with guilt, shame and fear and it is unacceptable to foist that on a young girl.

I totally agree. Sorry you had to go through an eating disorder.

Right, people don't realize the effects comments such as these can have. Sometimes older people who make these comments have disordered thoughts about eating themselves but don't realize it.
Good for you for for overcoming your eating disorder and speaking up to help others!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who suffered from a serious eating disorder for more than 15 years, I would be LIVID if someone made a similar comment to my child. Telling a child they are going to turn into a fatty if they use whipped cream does not come from a place of caring. It is not sound diet or health advice. That comment was loaded with guilt, shame and fear and it is unacceptable to foist that on a young girl.

I totally agree. Sorry you had to go through an eating disorder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But is she right?

That eating whipped cream will turn you into a fatty?

Have you ever been to Europe? Homemade high fat whipped cream on every desert, every serving of ice cream, even on coffee. And when you ask for more, they beam and practically back a truck up to your table to serve you a double-helping. And it's strange, but people are athletic, slim, and not at all "fatties."

Because they walk a lot and don't drink Big Gulps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But is she right?

That eating whipped cream will turn you into a fatty?

Have you ever been to Europe? Homemade high fat whipped cream on every desert, every serving of ice cream, even on coffee. And when you ask for more, they beam and practically back a truck up to your table to serve you a double-helping. And it's strange, but people are athletic, slim, and not at all "fatties."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

My, you do go on. and on. and on....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

blah blah blah. you still feed them fancy junk. "look, my mom and i are eating this piece of junk overlooking the potomac, how wonderful my life is. we totally despise those who eat at McDs."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you want your kids to think of ice cream, cupcakes, buttery croissant as junk foods?

It is junk food. Main ingredients are fat, sugar and refined starch.

I am fine if my kids don't eat that frequently. Thankfully, they do not feel deprived because they know that they can indulge themselves when we go out to dine by ordering something really decadent and luscious for dessert.

So expensive junk is ok? This is just like calling someone a fatty. Why put such a negative label on it but still allow it?

No, expensive junk is not ok either if you are having it every day. If you have a fancy dessert - once in a while - as part of a celebratory meal, you are associating it as a treat. It is then savored and anticipated, and there is no guilt or negative emotion attached to it.

If cupcakes and ice cream is available at home, your child will eat that as snack whenever they are hungry. It is not fair to put the burden on the kid to have the discipline to choose healthy foods at home when junk is readily available at home. As parents, we are responsible to make available the healthy choices to our kids at home. When you are ordering a dessert in a restaurant, it is not an everyday occurrence. And, because your kids are eating healthy and nutritious food most of the times, an occasional decadent treat, is not going to harm them.

A warm brownie with a side of icecream, whipped cream and cherry on top at the restaurant becomes the treat that my kids can enjoy and savor as a dining out experience. If it is available at home at all times, I am sure they would not want to snack on fruits and veggies. In fact, by associating desserts with celebrations means that there are very positive connotations associated with these foods - but my kids know that this is not a staple food - it is in the category of an occasional treat.

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, my children have always been explicitly allowed to be rude to any adult who comments negatively on their weight and appearance. I teach them that people like that aren't worth politeness or manners so they are free to be as rude as they like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother makes comments like this all the time, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. She is French, and self-esteem or the denting of it is not in her vocabulary. She wants to make sure that our under-weight family does not become normal-weight, because in her eyes, we would then be obese! Quelle horreur!

Your DH could perhaps say something.

I'm convinced that the self esteem movement is uniquely American. I have seen Europeans be quite direct re weight. A Chinese-Am friend who was born and raised in the U.S. and went to visit her grandparents in China every couple years has told me several times that her grandmother was quite horrified and "direct" about how "big" she got when she hit her teens/20s. My friend is normal sized for an American -- 5 ft 6 in and wears about a size 6; for her Chinese grandma that was obese as all the girls in the family and all the girls she knew -- neighbors, friend's granddaughters etc. -- were more like 5 ft and 100 lb max. My Indian grandparents -- same way; the issue of weight never came up, but if a grandkid wasn't doing well in school, they'd be quick to make comments about who was smart or not. Did it hurt feelings, sure. Did it need to be said -- yes and for me it was a motivator.

I am Indian and I think what you described is BS. I remember some uncle making comments about how some woman shoudl be "slimming herself" and getting ready for marriage. My dad snapped back that she wasn't a piece of meat to be sold in a market, she was a person. That shut him right up, and I was so proud of him. There are insensitive, mean jerks in every culture but what you describe is by no mean an "Indian" thing - it's a tactless, mean jerk thing.

And telling a child that she is not smart is not at all motivational. If you're not "smart", why bother? When I was failing - literally failing - algebra, my parents worked with me a lot, told me to just keep putting in 100% and I'd get it eventually. I ended up zipping through trig and calculus. If they had just said I was stupid, I would have just veered toward things that were easier.