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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Now it comes out!  Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue.  They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food.  Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!

Unless they have health reasons, it is extremely rude to bring food to someone else's house.  A lot more is going on.  Some people like to show control through food.  I am willing to bet your MIL or FIL or both are heavy. [/quote]

But which is more rude - a guest bringing their own food/cooking or a host who insists on providing food she knows a guest doesn't like?  Why doesn't OP (or OP's DH) learn how to cook what her FIL likes?  I'm sure her MIL would be happy to pass on knowledge of their family food traditions.[/quote]

Except that this isn't accurate. We absolutely DO provide food FIL likes. I buy certain meats for him, make a special trip to Whole Foods for his favorite fancy cheeses, go to the wine store and stock up, etc. It's not about family food traditions.  It's more that I just don't cook his bacon the perfect, right way, so MIL gets up and cooks it at the same time as I need to be making breakfast for my kids. The 14 month old will start screaming from hunger if I don't hurry up, but my kitchen is TINY and only fits one person.  MIL know all this, but says, "let me make a nice breakfast for you all (that FIL will love)" and she pokes around in the kitchen forever and thinks serving breakfast at 10 is just fine.  Meanwhile my kids are melting down and I just want to scramble some damn eggs. In my own kitchen.  I do say this to her, but then I feel rude for pushing her out.

This thread has been interesting. It's made me realize that although everything seems quite polite and fine on the surface, I'm actually quite resentful of my inlaws and I need to work on that. It's sad because I do think they are good people, and they're wonderful grandparents.  Our family cultures are just so different. My parents take the attitude that we are adults and there is a lot of mutual respect, even when they don't agree with us. There is a lot of verbal support and long chatty discussions. My husband's family is quite polite and formal, very southern. They believe they are the elders and as such we should respect them and honor their needs and wishes, and they lead the conversation (which consists of listening to FIL's old stories or about their recent trips or golf game). I am one of those people that if you never ask me about myself and listen to me talk, then I don't feel known.  Not a great combo.  But at the end of the day it's more important to me that they have good relationships with my kids.

And that they stay out of my kitchen.  
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