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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again: @14"05 and pp she quoted:  My relationship with my mom has always been filled with lots of drama.  I understand what you're saying and believe me I've considered changing it to the family name just to end the drama.  But, I think the damage is already done and also my DH told his parents the name after I told mine and they really like it.

At this point, I'm considering just changing it to something completely different.  I talked to my mom today and she basically said this has caused a rift and there's pretty much there is nothing I can do, because even if I change it to the family name, she'll always remember that I considered not using it.

I hope her feelings will fade with time because I think her reaction is disproportionate to the situation. [/quote]

That's really terrible (not to mention completely ridiculous). Your mom sounds just like the mom of a friend of mine. No matter what my friend does, her mom twists it to be all about her, the mom, and how much my friend supposedly is trying to hurt her. Gets her hair cut? She was trying to hurt her mom's feelings by not consulting her on the style. Doesn't get it cut? Deliberately making herself look frumpy so her mom will look bad in front of her friends. (However that works.) Etc. Insane, insane stuff that normal people don't understand at all. I almost wouldn't believe it if I hadn't witnessed some of it when we were in high school. Your mom's statement that no matter what you do, you have already caused damage, is the same thing. Her reaction isn't just disproportionate, it is crazy and abnormal. You are used to it somewhat so you probably don't realize just how abnormal it is. But as you note, there's nothing you can do at this point. Don't give in -- it won't help. Do what you want to do, and salvage your relationship with your mom as best you can. FWIW, my friend has pretty much stopped speaking with her mom altogether; she sends a card for holidays and birthdays and that's about it. Periodically her mom makes overtures but they always start with the assumption that my friend will grovel and apologize for every real and imagined slight for the past 5 years, so that has never gone anywhere. It sounds like your relationship has survived much better and longer and that is good, but only if it doesn't drive you, your hubsand, and your baby nuts. If it does, you ultimately have to protect yourself and the rest of the family.[/quote]

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