Reply to How would know if a man is bi?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How would know if a man is bi?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Regarding biphobia:

People need to learn to distinguish between a person judging/shaming someone for their sexual orientation, and people making personal choices about who they want to have sex with.

In other words, it is not biphobic for a straight person to want to have sex only with other straight people. It's just a sexual preference. It's no different from a gay man deciding he doesn't want to have sex with lesbians. Doesn't mean he is homophobic, it means he knows what he likes and it's not sex with lesbians.[/quote]

Nope, wrong.  It's a phobia.  Why?  Because you're either attracted to a person or you're not.  It doesn't or shouldn't matter who else the person ypu're attracted to might also be attracted to -- so long as you're chief among the people they're attracted to.

[b]Your argument only makes sense if you're saying you can only be attracted to anyone who is exclusively attracted to you.[/b]  And that person doesn't exist.  [/quote]

The bolded is nonsensical. No one said they wanted a man who is only attracted to them, personally. I want any man I'm with to only be attracted to women. Not just me, but women generally as a group. The idea of a man who likes dick is a turn off to me. I'm not judging him. In fact, I hope he finds happiness and fulfillment. But not with me, because our sexualities are not compatible.

There are men who aren't attracted to me because of my body type. Are the "phobic" of women with my body type? No, they just have a sexual preference. I wish them well. I don't need every man on the planet to be open to the idea of having sex with me. Well why would bisexuality be any different? Some people might be into it, some people (like me) are not, some people are probably indifferent. What's the big deal?[/quote]

There’s a huge difference between what you’re describing and with being bi.  If a man isn’t attracted to you because of your “body type” that means he’s not attracted to you—plain and simple.  And if you’re not attracted to him for the same reason it means the same thing—not attracted.

But if a man is attracted to you and also attracted to a man that doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.  And if you find him physically attractive not knowing he’s bi then that means you ARE attracted to him.  It’s only once you discover that he’s also attracted to men that you lose the attraction.   That’s the very definition of bi phobia.

[/quote]

You are getting it backwards. No one is confused about whether a bi person can be attracted to them. Of course they can.

The point is that people get to decide for themselves what is a turn on or a turn off, even if it seems "unfair" to the people they are not attracted to.

Some people are turned off by certain body types. That's not a phobia, it's just a sexual/romantically c preference. Like I have very small boobs, but some men prefer big boobs on women. That's fine, those men are not for me. I'm not accusing them of bring phobic of my body type.

Behavior can also impact attraction. For instance, if I find out a man has a history of certain kinds of drug use, it's a turn off. Even if he doesn't have a drug problem and was never addicted. I just don't want to be with someone who has, for instance, casually done cocaine. Not a phobia, and if a friend told me they sometimes used recreational drugs, it would not impact our friendship. But I don't want to have sex or a relationship with them.

Likewise, if a man told me he'd previously had sex with men and was bisexual, I would wish him well in life but would not want to date him. I'm not afraid of bisexuality or denying it's existence. It's just not for me. I only pursue relationships with straight men. That is my sexual preference.

Whether a bisexual man is attracted to me is beside the point, since if I know he's bi, I will not be attracted to him.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics