Reply to Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

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Reply to "Already Depressed about Valentine's Day"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness.[b] She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. [/b]It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks. [/quote]

Whenever you find yourself wanting this, you know you've hit a dead end. [/quote]

Tell us how long you’ve been ignored by your spouse ?

[/quote]

I'm PP. My spouse doesn't remotely ignore me. He's incredibly attentive, forgiving, loving, and all around wonderful. He has always done his half of everything - childcare, housework, pet care, you name it. We both work, we both help each other out when one of us is busier.

BUT, I figured out a long time ago that the reason our marriage works is because we both truly want the other person to be happy, so we listen when someone expresses their feelings about something. There are things we do for each other because we love each other, not because we want to do them. For example, if I want to host a party, he will help with all the cleaning, organizing, shopping, cooking, etc. Not because he wants to, but because he knows it means something to me.

If you're at the point where your spouse doesn't want to do anything for you because they don't care about you, then it's over. I don't know how you come back from that. At the very core of a good relationship is caring about the other person and their feelings and needs, even if, or especially if, they're different than yours. If you don't have that, you have nothing. So it's a dead end. [/quote]

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