Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if it is just one poster who is responding with unkind, juvenile-sounding responses, or whether there are multiple posters. I hope that it is just one middle or high schooler.

It's one woman who hates her husband and is hated by him. She loves to try and bring down other women, telling them they don't deserve a happy loving partner. Bizarre.

I have dated only one man who would continue to do gifts and everything else.
The rest of the men I have known were out for one thing only. Even today I got a text just for that one thing they can get. Not a big deal as I expected it.

Anyone who fixates on One Particular Day, is just looking to be disappointed. They are planning for it.

I can’t tell if it is just one poster who is responding with unkind, juvenile-sounding responses, or whether there are multiple posters. I hope that it is just one middle or high schooler.

Op, do you communicate this poorly with your spouse every day, or just Valentine's Day?

I stopped by CVS today at pick up a prescription. There literally were displays of Valentine’s candy, flowers, and balloons lining the main aisle nearly all the way back to the pharmacy. And most items were reasonably inexpensive. You really do almost have to go out of your way not to make even a small gesture on Valentine’s Day.

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Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

You clearly drank the hallmark holiday kool-aid.

Being a kind caring spouse =/= hallmark koolaid. Some of us enjoy making our partners happy, thankfully vice versa.

Forcing your spouse to buy you junk you don't need to prove their love or else you're gonna pout isn't kind or caring, it's manipulative and immature.

No one is forcing anyone. If you choose not to do small simple things that make your spouse happy, you are a selfish person and don't care about your spouse. Whether it's valentines day or any other day of the week. Happy loving people like to make their spouses feel happy and loved, it's a very simple concept.

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Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

You clearly drank the hallmark holiday kool-aid.

Being a kind caring spouse =/= hallmark koolaid. Some of us enjoy making our partners happy, thankfully vice versa.

Forcing your spouse to buy you junk you don't need to prove their love or else you're gonna pout isn't kind or caring, it's manipulative and immature.

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Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

Tho
Ok, thank you! I feel like sometimes a post gets "picked up" by some reddit incels who jump on it to make a million posts about how women should be lowering their standards. I've seen it it in multiple types of threads, but always "why don't you just settle? That's how all men are" or some crap like that.

Your post is overly dramatic like ops. What bs. No one is pushing women lowering their standards. This is a bs holiday and if her dh doesn’t want to participate, that’s his right. I don’t think all men are idiots and horrible. I think op makes a big deal about a “holiday “ many of us think is a joke.

I was talking about a dcum trend, specifically. And yes, people on here do push women to lower their standards. Literally read this thread. Someone called OP a cheap whore for wanting to feel valued and loved by her partner. It's baffling you deny this.

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

Why did you marry that weirdo? He doesn’t deserve you.
Cut him loose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

Tho
Ok, thank you! I feel like sometimes a post gets "picked up" by some reddit incels who jump on it to make a million posts about how women should be lowering their standards. I've seen it it in multiple types of threads, but always "why don't you just settle? That's how all men are" or some crap like that.

Your post is overly dramatic like ops. What bs. No one is pushing women lowering their standards. This is a bs holiday and if her dh doesn’t want to participate, that’s his right. I don’t think all men are idiots and horrible. I think op makes a big deal about a “holiday “ many of us think is a joke.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Whenever you find yourself wanting this, you know you've hit a dead end.

Tell us how long you’ve been ignored by your spouse ?

I'm PP. My spouse doesn't remotely ignore me. He's incredibly attentive, forgiving, loving, and all around wonderful. He has always done his half of everything - childcare, housework, pet care, you name it. We both work, we both help each other out when one of us is busier.

BUT, I figured out a long time ago that the reason our marriage works is because we both truly want the other person to be happy, so we listen when someone expresses their feelings about something. There are things we do for each other because we love each other, not because we want to do them. For example, if I want to host a party, he will help with all the cleaning, organizing, shopping, cooking, etc. Not because he wants to, but because he knows it means something to me.

If you're at the point where your spouse doesn't want to do anything for you because they don't care about you, then it's over. I don't know how you come back from that. At the very core of a good relationship is caring about the other person and their feelings and needs, even if, or especially if, they're different than yours. If you don't have that, you have nothing. So it's a dead end.

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

Meh- it's a Hallmark holiday. Is he present in your marriage? A partner in life and raising children? So much more important than a pseudo-holiday. And, don't be secret, tell him you'd like an acknowledgement of his love for you on the day. Personally, I'd be pissed if my spouse wasted a penny on any overcharged flowers/bad chocolates, but to each their own

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are how old? This sounds like teen girl diary stuff.

This. Geez. Get yourself a nice vibrator, wrap it up, and then buy some REALLY nice chocolates or a good bottle of your favorite wine -- make your own valentine.

Thats boring.

She wants male affection and that is perfectly fine.

Of course it is. But he isn't providing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Whenever you find yourself wanting this, you know you've hit a dead end.

Tell us how long you’ve been ignored by your spouse ?